Hindering Children With Our Words

boy chairDoes you child have ADD, ADHD, anger issues or other behavioral problems? Do they know they do? If so, this could hinder their progress. People, me included, have a habit of talking about our kid’s issues in front of them. Perhaps we do this because we want them to be aware of the issues. Maybe we do this because we think it will help them in some way, or perhaps we just don’t stop to realize that they are listening to us.

In most cases, I believe, that when we discuss our kid’s issues in front of them, it’s not helping them. Instead, it’s hindering them. My son is autistic, but we never bring that up in front of him. I don’t want him to fall into the trap of thinking, “I’m autistic. That’s who I am and that’s who I’ll always be.” That in my opinion, would only give him an excuse to stay the same and to never work towards reaching his full potential.

I treat my son just the same as I would anyone else. He has been given no excuse to be any other way. He can be anything and do anything he wants to. I refuse to hold him back by making him carry a label every where he goes. That label is to serve one purpose and one purpose only; to get him the services he needs. That’s it.

What inspired this post was a boy I saw today. His parents have convinced him that he can do no good and that he has several behavioral problems. He made the statement, “Everything was good before I showed up today.” He said this, as if him being somewhere instantly causes everything to fall apart. Why would he say such a thing? It’s simple. His parents and others around him tell him on a daily basis, both directly and indirectly, that his behavior is a problem and is uncontrollable. That he can be no other way.

Not only does this give him an excuse for his behavior, but he sincerely believes that he is no good. That is terribly sad. I told him that no matter what anyone says, he is good.

Often times we say things without considering the ramifications of our words. Without meaning to, we are placing our children into a vicious cycle of disappointment and low self esteem, while hindering their chances for success.

No matter what disorder or issues our children have, if we want them to achieve success, then we must teach them that they are worthy of and capable of that success. Most of all, we must be careful with our words. Our words will either build our children up or destroy them.

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5 Responses to Hindering Children With Our Words

  1. tric says:

    Well said. My husband grew up a very shy boy. Up to the age of sixteen he got school reports stating “he is extremely shy”. This only added to his shyness. We ourselves produced two such children out of four. The word shy was never used around them and when others did we quickly corrected them. They were encouraged to be proud of who they were and taught ways to help them overcome their shyness. In time our children have blossomed and whilst one of them is still naturally slow to engage (like what I did there?) she is now sixteen and well aware of ways to combat it. The other is definitely after leaving her past behind her.

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    • mewhoami says:

      You two sound like wonderful parents. I love how you encouraged them to go beyond their natural barriers and also to be proud of themselves. I’m sure that greatly helped to build their self esteem. Having good self esteem is so important in every aspect of life. Thank you for your comment. Have a wonderful day!

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  2. clayton paul says:

    This is great! It is full of great and useful information…thank you so much for sharing and informing us on this topic.

    Enjoy your day,
    Clayton

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    • mewhoami says:

      You’re welcome, Clayton. Also, thank you so much for your kind comment! I do hope that people will take this to heart and consider how their words may adversely affect others.

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      • clayton paul says:

        Words do cause injury! We have to be careful about how we use them when speaking to others. No doubt it wasn’t a fully considered statement when someone coined the phrase:

        “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”

        No words can’t break a bone, but they can break a heart…soul…or spirit if we let them!

        Better Days…
        Clayton

        Like

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