To begin this post let’s take a look at a few divorce statistics from divorcestatistics.org:
- 45 – 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce
- 60 – 67 percent of second marriages end in divorce
- 70 – 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce
Now, please don’t misunderstand. There are some situations in which marriages cannot be saved and in some cases it may even be a matter of life or death. The fact of the matter is, is that people get divorced for hundreds of reasons every day.
However, the typical reasons as to why people choose this path are generally due to lack of communication, difference of priorities and interests, financial issues and parenting styles. Looking at these reasons, none of them seem serious enough to cause one spouse to hate the other. Yet, it happens.
All too often I hear about marriages ending up in a long drawn out court battle. Besides child support, which I feel should always be a requirement, people go after each other for practically anything and everything they can get their hands on. It is as if their whole mission in life suddenly becomes trying to do every thing in their power to make the other person’s life miserable. Why is that? Do people forget that they were once in love with this person that they are now trying to destroy?
I imagine that the couple went out on numerous dates, waiting with anticipation for that first kiss and then for the day to finally hear or say “I love you.” Butterflies and hearts racing soon leading them to the exciting day when they exchange their vows. Then after a year, or 10, or 20 that heart warming “I love you” transforms into “I hate everything about you.”
People waste so much time and energy being bitter. Why? Can they not just move on? Do they not realize that while they’re out trying to destroy their ex, they’re completely throwing away their own life? Furthermore, do they not realize that they are the one who chose them in the first place and that surely they made mistakes too? No one is perfect. It takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to break it. Therefore, let it go. Move on. Forgive.
As a divorcee myself, I write this from experience. I got married right out of high school and neither of us were ready. We both made mistakes. It wasn’t just him. It was also me and I realized that. There is no way that I would hold a grudge against him, for something we both had a part in. Even if it was just him, I still wouldn’t, simply because I remember that at one time I loved him. I must have. After all, I married him, right?
I was also in a very, very controlling relationship for a few years. Even though I didn’t marry him, thankfully, I hold no bitterness in my heart towards him. Quite honestly, I could see him today and I would be completely at peace. Again, because I chose him for a reason. It wasn’t just him who made mistakes. It was me also, for choosing him to begin with.
In all fairness, because I truly would like some opinions on this I will ask you, my fellow bloggers this question. How is it that a person can love someone one day and hate them the next, wanting to completely destroy their life?