Love Doesn’t End In a Day

loveIt can be rather interesting to look at the search engine terms that lead readers to a blog. Some are sad, others a tad bit spooky and some are intriguing. The one today caught my attention right away.

“my wife went from loving to hating in one day”

I’m sorry to break it to you mister, but that didn’t happen in one day. Love doesn’t end in one day, just as it doesn’t begin in one day. No matter which of those two directions a person is heading, they both take time.

It’s nice to think that everything was hunky-dory and then all of sudden it all just blew up. Odds are though, that it didn’t happen that way. All too often, men (women too) seem to be baffled when their significant other ‘all of sudden’ up and leaves them. “What happened? I thought everything was great.

Matt, a fellow blogger at Must Be This Tall to Ride had this happen to him. For anyone who reads his blog, you are likely aware that his wife leaving him was a huge shock. It was not at all what he expected to happen, nor did he even see it coming. Sadly, Matt’s story has played out in the lives of many people.

When you love someone, as he dearly loved his wife, it’s hard to imagine that little things can add up over time into something that becomes irretrievable. That’s just it though. It’s the little things. It’s the arguments/disagreements that were left unresolved. The lack of appreciation shown for every day things. The hurtful words, disapproving looks, belittling statements, or unexplained times of silence. Or making your spouse less of a priority than your hobbies, sports or friends.

Love is about respecting one another and showing appreciation. At times it also requires the sacrificing of yourself, your wants and your needs for those of your spouse. Love is not about what you can get. It’s about what you can give.

A person can only have so much taken from them, before they have nothing left to give. That goes for both women and men. The health of a relationship is dependent on both people doing their part.

water

Consider a body of water that has no way for the water to escape. It sits there, while the rain and snow helps it to remain filled. The problem, is that it takes and takes, but never gives out. As a result, the water becomes stagnant. A relationship is the same way.

Stagnation doesn’t happen over night. There are clear signs to be seen and almost always the problems are voiced. Unfortunately, those voiced concerns are not taken seriously, but instead they are brushed off as being PMS or a bad day at work. When a person takes the time to bring up an issue then it deserves attention; whether it makes sense or not.

We cannot always look at things from our viewpoint. Our perspective is not theirs. We must try to see their point of view and at the very least respect it, and give it thought. Analyze it and you may find that they were right.

Love doesn’t end over night. Although that thought may remove a certain amount of responsibility, it is very unlikely that that was the case. Keep your eyes open. Look for signs, listen, communicate and most of all, care. Don’t live blindly, or else you may find yourself in the search engine man’s shoes.

To the search engine man and those like him – Matt’s a great writer of love, love lost and lessons learned. If you’re in a similar situation or want to avoid it, I highly recommend you check out his blog.

 

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12 Responses to Love Doesn’t End In a Day

  1. DailyMusings says:

    Great post. Communication is also key. I am always amazed when someone says they had no idea it was coming. Denial is a strong emotion. It is hard for people to take stock and confront the truth of what may be happening in a relationship. And even then, sometimes it is just over for one person in the relationship, People change, one person changes and the other is incapable of “evolving”- stagnating as you said. Women can be clueless too, not just men.

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    • mewhoami says:

      I completely agree with you there. Women and men both experience this. Communication is definitely key. I think many times, it’s over for just one person. The other would love the opportunity to work it out. It’s just than in a lot of cases, by the time it’s gotten to that point, the other person has already given up.

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  2. Greetings from the professor! Good thoughts! How’s it going?

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  3. Great post. You are so right on so many levels. I love the stagnant water analogy. Genius and so fitting!

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  4. suzjones says:

    I also highly recommend Matt’s blog. I am awed at his new outlook on life and maturity.
    I believe that love takes work. When you keep taking and there is no giving, there is going to be a big heartache around the corner.

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  5. April says:

    I enjoy Matt’s blog as well. I rarely get to see things through the male perspective, and he is honest. You–I mean Me–you, are a very wise woman. Love doesn’t just stop one day.

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