All of my life, I’ve known what type of person I wanted to be. Loving, affectionate, sentimental – all that mushy stuff that makes others feel good when you’re around them. All that mushy stuff that’s supposed to happen naturally when you love or care about someone.
But, I’m not the average girly girl who allows herself to feel such things, at least not when those feelings are deeply rooted. Feelings like that end up causing pain. Who would want that?
Well, apparently I do. That girl inside of me, who’ve I’ve always wanted to be, but was always afraid to let out, is finally freeing herself. And she’s mushy and affectionate, even emotional. It’s almost sickening… but wonderful.
She is so new to me, that I don’t know how to handle her yet. It’s frustrating and overwhelming. It’s terrible and great. It’s quite lovely really. For once in my life, I’m starting to feel human. I’m learning to express my feelings, all of them – not in a ‘cry over cute kittens’ kind of way, but simply learning to cherish and appreciate what I have and to show it.
People have always told me, “It’s okay to have feelings. It’s okay to be affectionate. It’s okay to be human.” But, once you remove that barrier and expose yourself, you’re just that – exposed. That’s a risk that I’ve always been too afraid to take, but I’m learning that sometimes it’s worth it.
After nearly 40 years, I’m finally ready to see what’s beyond the barrier. I’ve realized just how tired I am of running and I’ve learned that you can run as far and as long as you want to, but if you never take the time to sit down, you’ll never see how far you’ve gotten. You may not even know where you’re at.
And that’s where I am. I’m ready to sit down and live life right where I’m at. No more running. More living.
I’m starting to like this new me and I have a feeling others are too.
All this to say, stop worrying about the risks, remove your barriers and just live your life. After all, we only get one. So live it, enjoy it and share it with others.
This post is for the Daily Post prompt: Sentimental