All of my life, I’ve known what type of person I wanted to be. Loving, affectionate, sentimental – all that mushy stuff that makes others feel good when you’re around them. All that mushy stuff that’s supposed to happen naturally when you love or care about someone.
But, I’m not the average girly girl who allows herself to feel such things, at least not when those feelings are deeply rooted. Feelings like that end up causing pain. Who would want that?
Well, apparently I do. That girl inside of me, who’ve I’ve always wanted to be, but was always afraid to let out, is finally freeing herself. And she’s mushy and affectionate, even emotional. It’s almost sickening… but wonderful.
She is so new to me, that I don’t know how to handle her yet. It’s frustrating and overwhelming. It’s terrible and great. It’s quite lovely really. For once in my life, I’m starting to feel human. I’m learning to express my feelings, all of them – not in a ‘cry over cute kittens’ kind of way, but simply learning to cherish and appreciate what I have and to show it.
People have always told me, “It’s okay to have feelings. It’s okay to be affectionate. It’s okay to be human.” But, once you remove that barrier and expose yourself, you’re just that – exposed. That’s a risk that I’ve always been too afraid to take, but I’m learning that sometimes it’s worth it.
After nearly 40 years, I’m finally ready to see what’s beyond the barrier. I’ve realized just how tired I am of running and I’ve learned that you can run as far and as long as you want to, but if you never take the time to sit down, you’ll never see how far you’ve gotten. You may not even know where you’re at.
And that’s where I am. I’m ready to sit down and live life right where I’m at. No more running. More living.
I’m starting to like this new me and I have a feeling others are too.
All this to say, stop worrying about the risks, remove your barriers and just live your life. After all, we only get one. So live it, enjoy it and share it with others.
This post is for the Daily Post prompt: Sentimental
Me - Who am I? 
I definitely understand this post. It felt like I wrote this. Being fearful of the risks makes it kinda harder to enjoy life completely. You’re not being fair to yourself. At least thats what I learned. Enjoyed reading this tonight.
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You’re exactly right. A person can never truly enjoy life when they have placed so many restrictions on themselves. I sure wish I would have allowed myself to learn this many, many years ago, but better late than never, right? I’m glad that you have learned this lesson as well.
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Yeah, never too late to learn as long as it is a lesson learned. 👍🏾
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Beautiful and heartfelt. Learning to love who we are. Good for you, exposing yourself, life is too short to hide behind barriers. A lovely answer to the Daily Prompt.
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Thank you, Miriam. Life is too short and those barriers can really get in the way if we don’t move them.
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Simply be-ing. Just who you are. Right now. It’s truly so easy once we bypass the unfounded fear. 🙂
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It certainly should be easy. I’ve found that it’s us who makes our life difficult, but life is too short for that.
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Courage at it’s best.. you are awesome. 🙂
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Thank you and you’re right. It does take courage.
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Isn’t that ‘click’ sound, when you feel your insides clicking into place, wonderful????
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It sure is!
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what a beautiful post- you are free to be the person you want to be- and ready for the “new” you- that is just so great!
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Thank you! I feel more free and I’m hoping it’ll stay this way. It’s nice living barrier-free.
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That is the best part of life…when we accept who we are and quit trying to change ourselves into a vision of perfection. You sound happy. 🙂
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That’s me, right there. Spent my whole life trying to be who I thought I should be, when the whole time I was sacrificing who I really was.
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Now that you recognize it, it’s never too late to change.
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What a great post~! Becoming who we are meant to be, maybe that something we can only accomplish when we are older.
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In my case, that sounds about right. I think it takes years to really learn who we are, where we fit in and who we want to be. I’m not so sure we ever stop learning and growing.
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Looks like you found your “stride”. Good for you!
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I hope so. I’m happy with it so far.
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