Think about one of the worst days you’ve ever had. Now, imagine that on that same day someone meets you for the first time. If they were to form their opinion of you based solely on that encounter, would their impression of you be accurate? Probably not.
But seeing as how they don’t know any different, they immediately judge your character and leave with the mindset that you are a rude, angry person. In reality, you’re just having a bad day and anyone who really knows you could easily testify of your true character.
I endeavor to think this way whenever I run across people who are behaving in an unfriendly manner. Maybe they were just given bad news, had an argument with a spouse, lost a loved one, a job, their home. Fact is, is that we don’t know what people are going through or what’s causing them to behave a certain way. Because of that, it is unfair of us to form an opinion of them based on nothing more than that first encounter.
We should give people chances. Several, if necessary. For one particular woman who I see frequently, I have done just that.
The first time I encountered her, she was extremely rude toward me. Maybe she was having a bad day? Second chance – She rolled her eyes at someone who was trying to make friendly conversation with her. Maybe she’s still having a bad day? Third chance – She snapped at an elderly lady who was doing nothing, but being gentle and sweet. Bad day or not, there is never an excuse for that.
Even still, I gave her more chances to prove me wrong about her character. Fast forward several months …nothing has changed. She’s consistently rude. Every day to everyone.
I tried to like her. But her behavior won’t allow me to.
I’m a firm believer in that everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt. People have bad days, but those days shouldn’t define their character. So it’s very disappointing to me that this woman’s character is defined by her bad days – because bad days are all I’ve ever seen her have.
Even more disappointing is that people allow themselves to live such miserable lives. Life is too short to be angry all the time. Be happy. Smile.
Most of all, be true to your character. If you’re kind, be kind. If you’re loving, love. If you’re mean…change.
Me - Who am I? 
OH how sad. 😦
Good for you, with all the chances. I agree, we all have our moments. We all need to draw a line in the sand, too.
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We sure do, but I hate drawing those lines. I suppose though at some point we have no other choice. In a sense, they draw the line for us.
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True.
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In the past couple of years my husband and I have had this conversation. We try to remind one another that ‘that’ person may be going through something we don’t understand. I think it’s okay though, after getting to know someone, to realize they may not be likable! 😉
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It’s an important thing to remember. It certainly helps us to see the world in a better light. I believe that most people are likeable if we take the time to understand what makes them them. But, it is sad that there are a few out there who are simply unlikable.
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Is “old lady” code for Jason Cushman… sounds like me! 😂
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You’re likeable…most times. Ha!
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Hahaha you are just too kind.
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🙂 And honest, because I know you can handle it.
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You’re a kind, thoughtful, considerate person obviously but she, by the sounds of it, has a big chip on her shoulder. What a shame, you’re right life’s too short but we can’t change the way others think. That’s up to them alone.
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Thank you and yes she does, a huge chip. I’m sure it’s there for a reason, but why take her anger out on everyone else around her? It’s not their fault she’s unhappy.You’re right though, we can’t change people no matter how much we wish we could.
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People who are a pain are usually in pain. So,times it will pass. Other times it will not. The wisdom is knowing that it isn’t about us or trying to make them feel better.
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I completely agree with you and firmly believe that she is dealing with something that causes her to be this way…for two years now at least. That’s a long time to suffer within your mind. You’re right though, it’s not about us. It’s them.
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What a great article! And what a perspective on a person who seems terminally angry! I have known people like that (past tense, since they are no longer in my life!). Clearly, there is something wrong in her life.
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Terminally angry – very accurate description. Something must be wrong and for that I feel for her and hope that she finds resolve and comfort. In the meantime though, it would be nice for her not to share her suffering with others. Good for you for letting the negative ones out of your life. Sometimes we can’t afford to hold onto them.
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Well said. I think some people are just like that and no matter how many chances we give them, how benefit of a doubt we give them, they will never change. It’s just the way they are. People like this we just have to take that way and keep our distance. Don’t let them get to us. It is a shame if someone lives their life like that but in the end it’s their choice.
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It is their choice. You’re right about that. It’s sad that they feel the need to drag everyone else down with them though. I always thought that was a juvenile issue, but this woman is in her 40s. Perhaps some people never learn how to control themselves and their feelings. It’s sad that this is the life she chooses to live.
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Oh it’s not, believe me! My mother is the same and she is in her 70’s. Of course she doesn’t see it as it is…
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That has to be difficult to watch, especially knowing that you can’t change her or help her to be happy and to see the lighter side of life.
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It is…
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Sometimes, there are just people who are better left alone. After all times, relate with them from a distance otherwise you’ll feel consistently perplexed.
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That is exactly what I do, try to keep my distance. There’s no need in letting someone add negativity to my good day. Perhaps one day she’ll see herself and change.
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Maybe she was having a bad year. Decade?
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Two years at least. Decade, probably. Maybe I’ll run into her one day fifteen years from now and be surprised.
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I always give the grumpy person more chances than I want. I do it until it starts to seep into my life and I don’t feel good around them. I can say that while some of us who suffer from depression learn to mask our pain by going out of our way to “pretend” we are happy and nice, deep down we are dealing with some dark stuff. I try to recognize that in others. Does it keep me sticking around? No, if they can’t stop and help themselves, then I don’t need them continue letting them take all the work I’m doing to escape depression bring me down
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Perhaps that’s what she’s dealing with and maybe she really can’t help being the way she is. But, if that is the case then it would be nice for her to at least pretend happiness and not bring others down with her. The tension surrounding her is blanket-thick. It’s not comfortable for others and I don’t imagine that it is for her either.
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I wonder if she is even aware of what makes her so rotten. I have worked with people like that and have felt stuck because I had to have the job. Maybe one day she will wake up and help herself.
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It would shock me if she doesn’t, but then again there are many people who can’t see themselves. I sure hope one day she will though. She’d be so much happier.
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