“A friend of mine has to pay $700 a month for a kid he doesn’t even want. What’s worse is that the kid is mentally disabled. Why should he have to pay for a kid like that?” Stunned by this man’s words, all I could do was stand there and listen to him.
I was in shock, speechless. Did he really just say that children with disabilities are unworthy of monetary support? That they are unequal to or less important than typical children? That they’re undeserving?” No, no one thinks like that. Do they?
Evidently they do, as that is exactly what this man was saying. The conversation soon proved that.
As I stood there biting my tongue, waiting for a calm response to enter my mind, I kept thinking, “this man has no idea that my son is Autistic.” If I told him, would it make him feel ashamed for what he said or would he even give it a second thought? For whatever reason, I chose to remain silent. I shouldn’t have. What this man said was wrong. He’s wrong.
My son is not a typical child. He is years behind his peers academically and socially, and struggles every day to form a sentence. But, he is human and is deserving just like everyone else.
Simply because a child has a disability, whether it be physical or mental, does not mean that somehow they are less human than you and I. They breathe the same air, they feel the same emotions, they have goals and dreams, fears and victories.
To say, or to even think that they are less deserving than a typical child when it comes to anything in life, is absolutely absurd. Not only that, but it’s harmful.
This type of thinking is what led Hitler to kill the mentally disabled. This mindset has convinced many people across the world that it’s acceptable, even needful, to keep these children tied up or kept hidden away in small rooms within their homes. It’s this type of thinking that is making its way into hospitals and minds across the globe, convincing parents to abort their children for no other reason than a minor disability, or just because.
This child that the man was speaking about, is just as deserving as every other kid out there. To think otherwise is downright horrible and for the child, very saddening.
Having raised my son for 16 years now and after seeing what an amazing and loving young man he is, I cannot fathom the idea of him somehow being deemed as less human. In fact, he is more human than anyone I’ve ever known.
Is he worthy of support? I certainly think so.
What do you think? Should the child support laws be different for children with disabilities compared to that of typical children?
Let your voice be heard below. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Me - Who am I? 
Dude, I’d have punched him. I’m not sure I could have held my tongue!!
No, as I sit here and think about it – there is no way I would have remained silent, but I would have mentioned that if he didn’t want kids he should have taken precautions, and since he was irresponsible he has just as much responsibility and that you sir are a moron!!!
Yeah… Next time, just punch him.
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Ha! That would have been great to say. That’s what I was thinking. The man in question should take responsibility for his choices, not make up absurd excuses to walk away from them. What gets me also is that the man I was talking to was totally serious and felt completely confident in his beliefs. Plain ignorance.
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I would have been just as alarmed and upset as you. I worked with mentally challenged children for years. I know how l loving they are, and I know how much meaning they add to people around them. I am so sorry you had to experience this hurt.
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Thank you for understanding and for your compassion in working with these children. They need more people like you, who can see them for who they are regardless of their disability.
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What an insensitive bastard. He obviously has no sense of compassion or empathy. All children deserve the same, the same rights, the same dignities and the same opportunities in life. I don’t know if I could have held my tongue, but I can understand that you were most probably gobsmacked!
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I couldn’t agree more and thank you for standing up for these children. They definitely deserve all the same opportunities and rights that others do. I wish I would have spoken up, but I was honestly stunned speechless. I’ve read statements similar to what he was saying, but had never heard it said face to face. I was shocked…saddened..angry.
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As I would have been too.
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I found it hard to read this post. I can’t bear to think that people like him exist in this world.I don’t think I could have held my tongue- I feel very strongly about defending the rights of people with developmental disabilities or physical challenges. Absolutely appalling.
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I didn’t know what to say. Well, I had all sorts of things to say, but didn’t know how to voice it without my anger taking over. There will come a day though, very soon I believe, that he will be introduced to my son. Then, I think that all I wanted to say will be said and felt by him, without me ever having to speak a word. Or…he could simply not care and feel no shame at all.
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It is frightening to think he would meet your son and feel no remorse at his words. But then again someone like that may not have any feeling, empathy or understanding. I do hope he feels shame.
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That is truly shocking. Even worse that this person is cruel enough to share such an opinion out loud. I’m sorry you had to be his audience. What an awful thing to experience.
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That’s true! I didn’t even think about that side of it. He truly was bold in his opinion. What’s sad is that I’m nearly a stranger to this man, so who all else does he share these terrible opinions of his with?
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Sounds like a person with no ability to understand the feelings of others. That’s both frightening and sad.
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That is frightening. That type of mindset I imagine, must leak into all facets of his life.
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I hate those moments when I’m too shocked to speak. Child support isn’t about what ‘kind’ of kid it is, it’s about providing an ideal financial setting for a child. Ideally, all children would be wanted, loved, and provided for.
Chances are if you’d said your son is autistic, the __________ woulda said some back-peddling crap about how this doesn’t apply to your child. At least, that’s been my experience. “You’re not like those people,” or “Your kid’s different,” or “You know what I mean,” are very popular responses to pointing out such prejudices in opinion.
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That’s probably exactly what he would have done, but he and I would both still know exactly what he meant. What’s scary, is what kind of horror we would see if these people were given any type of control over who gets help and who doesn’t. You’re right that those funds are to provide a better life for children – *all* children, regardless of who they are.
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I simply have no words! I simply can’t understand what this person is thinking. Unbelievable! To be honest: A person that thinks and speaks like this has no empathy…
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Same here. I was just as speechless as you. I can’t imagine a life without empathy or the life of those around them.
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A kid he didn’t want????? But he had sex any way???? There’s a whole lotta wrong with that guy’s comments.
And that guy.
The (All) child(ren) deserves to be well loved and well cared for. Period.
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Thank you! Yes, there is so much wrong with that whole situation, from the man who made the choice to the man ranting about it. What a sad scenario for the child. I just hope that the child is getting the love and support that he/she deserves from the mother or other guardians.
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Well, the kid is worth ten of his kind.
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Well said!
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I am glad you did not punch him!
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I’m sure that some would have, but I didn’t feel that he deserved such a response. I wouldn’t want to give him that much attention.
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That’s a horrible thing to say…I don’t think any disable child is any less deserving. If anything that man is undeserving of any compassion from such an innocent child. They may be disabled, but their heart is pure. But! There’s such a thing as karma. May he get what he deserves.
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I absolutely agree. Maybe the child is the fortunate one by not having him be a part of their life. Kids need loving and nurturing parents, not ones who despise them for things that are beyond their control.
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Absolutely! I think a child doesn’t need humans like that…if you can call them human, that is; even when they were born perfect.
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“Did he really just say that children with disabilities are unworthy of monetary support? That they are unequal to or less important than typical children? That they’re undeserving?”
That belief that people with disabilities are ‘undeserving’ of love and support is at the heart of our refusal to fund mental health in the United States.
Think of all the suffering we could relieve if we funded research that allowed us to catch and treat incipient Schizophrenia before it has a chance to fully express itself.
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Excellent point. There are many issues and situations that could be prevented, if only the mental health system was taken more seriously. People need help and turning a blind eye to it or saying that “they’re not worth it” only causes more harm than good.
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For some reason people think that by dehumanizing certain aspects of the human condition they can prevent themselves from being subject to it.
There is also the process of physically dehumanizing people by legally stripping them of all access to the resources that we use to make ourselves ‘look’ human.
Soap, water, indoor plumbing, central heating, washing machines, refrigerators, a bed, a bank account, an address, a wardrobe, toothbrushes…and these are some of the basic things.
We think that if we repeat enough affirmations based on the out of touch assumption that everyone has equal access to the same resources then it will be true.
It will be true that suffering is self inflicted and no concern of those who don’t suffer.
But it isn’t true.
The only people responsible for their suffering of the mentally ill homeless are the majority who keep voting to turn them out.
As someone with a mental illness, my stance is this: If you want me to take responsibility for my decisions; stop making them for me.
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Your stance would make for a great policy. No one, except the one who is actually ‘wearing the shoes’ knows and understands completely their situation. They then, are the only ones who should make the decisions about their life. I think you’re right too, that by dehumanizing people, they are given the ability to walk away easier, with no guilt or shame. In order to have compassion for a person, we must first be able to see them as a person.
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Exactly…
Which then begs the question of what kind of heartlessness it take to gang up as an electoral majority on a group of disabled citizens and vote to strip them of access to the tools they need to get well so you can blame them for what you’ve made for them?
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That is an excellent question and very valid point.
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Reblogged this on Art by Rob Goldstein and commented:
A thought provoking post
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Thank you for the reblog.
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It’s called Responsibility and part of being an adult. You take care of your own, regardless.
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Agreed. No matter the circumstances, your kids are your kids and they deserve to be taken care of.
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If you couldn’t take em, you shouldn’t make em.
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My oldest is Autistic, 13 years old. Reading the words spoken by that man made me cringe. Sad state of affairs that someone actual thinks that way, especially the father the guy was referring to. Doesn’t want his own child? Should’ve worn a condom or kept it in his pants. Pathetic. 😏
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Thank you! That’s exactly what I was thinking. If you don’t want children, then you better keep ‘it’ put away. And if you only want “perfect” kids, then you shouldn’t have kids in the first place. No one is perfect. Even typical children have a host of issues. This man is one example of why children these days are neglected and lack the love that they so much deserve.
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Pathetic, and the world is full of them. Any asshole can father a child, not all are dads though. Breaks my heart.
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True. Very good point.
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To think, if people lacking in emotion were deemed unworthy of life he wouldn’t have been there spouting such evil to you.
All children are worthy of the same support from the parents that sired them. If they don’t want that kind of responsibility then they should ensure adequate protection to prevent conception. If they don’t then child support should be mandatory.One man who has never worked has something like 14 children by 9 women and supports none. There’s no commitment to be a parent there which places no value on a child in any state of health, that’s like depriving a child of it’s rights and might also warrant a visit from those who think the adult unworthy of support.
Hugs
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I can’t imagine having that many children, but not paying a dime for them. If they’re not going to be an active parent, then they at least owe them that much. What’s wrong with folks these days, that makes them feel that it’s okay to simply walk away and pretend as if they’ve fathered no one? One of the most saddening things I’ve ever seen is a group of 30 kids on Father’s Day, but only 9 of them had a dad to give a card to.
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It is difficult to understand how anyone can think that one life has more value than another. By his standard most of the great artists and thinkers on this planet has ever seen would never have been allowed to live. What a jerk. You are much stronger than me. I’d have ripped him a new one and made certain everyone else in the room heard me.
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You are absolutely right about that. He obviously hasn’t taken all those great thinkers into account. I wish I could have spoken up, but I had so much to say that nothing would come out. However, I am sure that one day soon he will meet my son and I’m hoping that he will be reminded of that conversation and will feel shame for what he said. But, maybe/sadly that form of compassion doesn’t exist in him.
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Everyone has compassion in them. The question is whether or not the person has is under lock and key. But even those locks can be opened! When the time is right you will have the perfect words to speak to him.
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I completely agree with you. I’ve always believed that even the most of evil of persons has good in them. This man, no doubt, has compassion. Perhaps not for this specific situation, but for others I’m sure.
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Those are horrible thoughts. And that person is horrible to have such thoughts.
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I agree. They are horrible thoughts. I don’t dislike the man, but I certainly dislike his thoughts. He obviously hasn’t spent time with any of the world’s “undeserving” children. Otherwise, he would know how wrong he is.
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I really wish I could say that I were shocked. I am not, not at all. I even had a teacher explain to me that my son´s executive functioning issues were laziness. Like my son wants to lose his stuff on a daily basis. Like he just, out of sheer laziness, wants to leave his backpack open so that all his favorite things and all his papers fall out, so he can get into trouble at home. A teacher, fresh out of school. Not an old guard ¨seen not heard¨ teacher. A new one. People are rotten.
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I think that many people want and expect children to behave perfectly and when they don’t it is automatically deemed as rebellious behavior, lack of proper parenting, or in your child’s case, laziness – which for them falls into both categories. They don’t seem to understand that some kids truly do have issues that hinder them from living up to the expectations imposed on them. My son doesn’t understand orders sometimes because either the statement was worded in a confusing manner or he simply doesn’t understand the task. He’s not being defiant when he just stands there looking at you. He’s simply just waiting for more clarification. People who don’t understand have no right judging our kids. I’m sorry that you and your son had to got through that.
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Heartbreaking. Too bad the man will miss out on experiencing the lessons these kind of children offer. I’ve never heard anyone who had a disabled child say they weren’t a gift. This man is a self centered dolt. So let him miss out on the beautiful things you have with your son, Art. In the meantime he should do what is required by law and pay what he owes.
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You are right about these children being a gift. That’s exactly what I consider my son. He has taught me so much more than anyone else ever could have, simply because of how differently he sees the world. This man is truly missing out and that’s a pity for him and for the child. But, the child deserves a father, not a man who is bitter toward him. As you said, if he’s not going to be there in body, he should at least help out financially.
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I love this “because of how differently he sees the world”– that is Precisely the gift they bring to the world. So heartwarming when a parent like you feels that and shares it with others– your gift to us 😊
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Disgusting! I think I would have bitten my tongue clean off and still would have given him a tongue banging with it. 😦
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Great way to put it! It was disgusting. It’s sad to know that there are actually people out there who feel that way.
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