After 18 years of marriage, four kids and countless memories, he walked out the door never to return. Why? Because he turned his eyes away from his family and placed his focus on something else. Not just any something. A woman. Not a terribly attractive woman, but one who, unlike his wife, was carefree, mysterious and new.
He watched this woman and thought about her constantly, until one day he could no longer take the distance between them. He packed his bags and said goodbye to his family. As his wife and four children cried at his departure, he inwardly smiled, eager to begin his new life.
He threw away 18 years, for something that may not even work out.
He gave up four amazing children and a faithful wife who never failed to care for his needs and was always there to support him. He gave up a beautiful home, a great career, many friends and his reputation.
He gave up everything, and for what? For something uncertain.
{To avoid any confusion – Please note that this story was not about me.}
Sadly, this happens all too often. People develop the “grass is greener on the other side” mentality and run off in search of the happiness they think they’ll find there. But more often than not, they find out that the grass isn’t greener at all, and sometimes it has even more brown spots than the grass they traded it for.
Most people have this idea that their life could be perfect, if only they could find their perfect match. With the right person by their side, they could live a life free of disagreements and frustrations, and full of adventures, fun and laughter. They could enjoy the “happily ever after” marriage, that many of us have watched in movies since our childhood.
As terrific as it sounds, it’s highly unlikely to have a fairy tale marriage. Marriage can and should be wonderful. It should make our lives more complete. It should bring us joy and laughter. We should love and be loved. Marriage should be a beautiful thing.
But with all the ups, there will be downs. “In sickness and in health. In good times and in bad.” There’s a reason that this statement is included in the vows. Men and women are very different creatures, so it should go without saying, that there will be issues every now and then. But, these issues and overcoming them together is what strengthens a marriage.
A strong marital bond does not happen over night. It is developed over years, through the various circumstances that the couple faces together. Love is strengthened in this same way. It grows over time. Love at first sight is merely lust. Only over time, does that lust grow into love – a love that never stops growing.
Why would someone want to throw all of that away, if not for a good reason? To simply chase after the dream of a having a “perfect” relationship?
Why would a person want to jump from a well established ship that they spent years carefully building, into a sea of uncertainty?
Before you jump ship, open your eyes and take a closer look around you. Remember why you built the ship to begin with and how you first fell in love with the design. Remember the excitement and satisfaction you gained as every piece came together. Remember the journey. Do you really want to throw that all away? Do you really want to start over?
Why leave a good thing, for something that may not even work out?
True happiness and contentment is usually found in the last place you’d ever think of looking – right where you’re at. You don’t have to look far. You just have to stop looking everywhere else and start appreciating what you already have.
Daily Post prompt: Secret
Me - Who am I? 
Great post. Unfortunately, I seem to be hitting an age? entering a time? when this is like freakin wildfire. Everyone’s doing it, it must be all the rage. It cannot be a coincidence. Some people say it’s a midlife crisis, but it seems to me like just another way to escape. I see a lot of people (men, in my experience) selfishly proclaim they deserve to be happy while devastating their wives and upsetting their children over what basically appears to be another chance to get it right. Well, pardon me, but getting it right is owed to whom it was promised first.
I am not fit to judge, but I do. It bothers me. It’s such a cliche.
I may need to write about it. lol Thanks for the inspiration!
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Yes! I couldn’t agree more – “getting it right is owed to whom it was promised first.” Sadly, you are right that it does seem like this is “the thing to do” these days. It’s happening left and right and so many families are being destroyed in its path. And for what? A broken family and more disappointment down the road? The grass isn’t greener and for the person who gets chosen for the trade – do they risk having the same thing happen to them? It’s not worth it, in my opinion. Enjoy what you already have. Love and nurture it and you won’t need/want anything else. If you do write about it, I’d love to read what you have to say.
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I shall. Perhaps this weekend. I need to better organize my thoughts.
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Sounds great. I’ll keep an eye out for it.
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Oh I’ll ping you — you inspired me 🙂
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Thank you!
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Spot on! Great comment. I agree with you. I think it’s become too easy to just leave. So people just do it. I see your point about men doing it but I met a couple of women too who just left because it was not convenient any longer. I really think that some generations ago men and women would have fought harder to keep it up. We live a “throw away” mentality which not only involves stuff but also relationships. The mentality of “if I don’t like it anymore or if it’s only slightly damaged it’s been thrown away”, no matter if it’s a thing, a pet or a relationship. Only a few really try to fix it.
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What a great post. Having your partner walk out on you, Gosh I can’t even imagine, especially when children are involved.
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I can’t imagine it either. To be thrown away as if none of those years mattered, as if you never mattered…that just baffles me.
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I haven’t checked out the statistics recently, but it does seem to be reaching epidemic proportions lately—people leaving stable relationships to “find someone better”, that is. We’ve been here before. During the 1970s, people left their marriages in droves, then it lessened a bit for a few years. I think this current wave has something to do with the age of the baby boomers (as joey suggests). Seems they are having a mid-life crisis, just as we were during the 1970s. We (the Silent generation) were in our forties then). Needless to say, some lives were improved, and some were not!
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It does seem like an epidemic, a very sad one. I think you two are right about the generation that we’re in. Married couples these days grew up watching their ‘idols’ on TV divorce and get married more times than they can count. It’s the new normal and widely accepted, and sadly even promoted. While in the midst of it all, people have forgotten the real value of marriage and how special that commitment is. More importantly, they have forgotten that it is supposed to be “till death do us part.” It’s not a game, but unfortunately that seems to be how many people treat it. Marriage is something to be valued, not thrown away.
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It’s impossible to fathom why someone would throw away something so precious as trust, security and love. Unfortunately I hear it more and more, it’s a sad reflection of taking the easy way out.
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That’s exactly it. Taking the easy way out, which oddly enough usually ends up being the hard way. It’s actually much easier (and much more rewarding) in the long run to stay and work things out.
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Of course it is.
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What a solid post. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s your husband’s loss, from the sounds of it—he lost a quality family, and it will never be the same again.
Thank you for posting this. For a while, I had issues with my relationship partly because I didn’t manage my own expectations. It only feels like a honeymoon at the start. I had expected that feeling to last forever. Love evolves, like you were saying. True love takes time.
Just felt like I had to comment because what you wrote about was something I struggled with for a bit of time. Thank you!
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Oh! This is not about me. I should have added a note (I just did) to clarify that. But, it was indeed a loss for the man it does pertain to. He left behind an amazing family. However, there was a time in my life in which I did seek the perfect relationship. I found out over and over the hard way, that no such thing exists. It’s only when you stop running and searching and start paying attention to what you already have, that you realize that what you’ve been searching for has been right in front of you all along. Thank you so much for your comment!
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Oh! Glad this is not your personal story then.
Yes, I’ve found out it’s easy to take things for granted, and harder to accept and make the best of what you have, even if what you have is already great.
Thanks for clarifying!
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Me too! 🙂 I feel awful for the person it is about though. It’s very unfortunate. It’s very easy to take things for granted and to start looking at our lives from a negative perspective. What I’ve learned however, is that when things start looking bad/questionable, all I need to do to turn things around is readjust my vision. Perspective changes everything.
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It’s an all too sad story lately. It seems like the thing to do these days. You get bored, things get difficult and so you walk without regard, without thought, without an ounce of self respect.
Men are selfish creatures. I know both men and women are guilty of this but men seem to dominate this attitude. I’m a man but I always said that if I were a women I’d probably never want to be with a man. Generally speaking, women always give much more than they get.
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Exactly – they leave without thought. Too often, people are led away by their emotions and the thrill of “what could be”and never take the time to consider the future or the consequences of their actions. Although I’ve seen women do this too, I must agree with you that it is more often the men who choose to jump ship. Sadly many of them do so, not for companionship necessarily, but to satisfy their desires. Women long for the security and deep connection that comes from a long term relationship and as long as they feel that they have this, they rarely look elsewhere and do all they can to preserve what they have. Of course, there are always exceptions.
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I can’t imagine what the wife would feel like but i can’t help but think of what I would feel if this was one of my daughters, Two things spring to mind,
1, We deserve to be loved and respected. Life is too short. If he is not loving you, respecting you and sharing life with you, he doesn’t deserve you, not the other way around.
2. I often wonder how hard it must be to live in a loveless marriage.
Now I’m not saying either of the above was the scenario, but marriage or togetherness is more than living together.
On the other hand I read your post and immediately thought, ‘the fecker’.
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You are right about that. If he doesn’t respect and love what he has, the woman *he* chose, then he doesn’t her. The positive side, is that now (as difficult as this situation is) she is free from the man who didn’t appreciate her and hopefully one day will find a man who will. In time, I believe that all things work out just as they’re meant to. Regardless, it’s a sad and all too common situation. They fail to consider how many people they will impact and hurt by making such a life changing decision.
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I ended my first marriage when my son was three months old because my husband found “someone better”. Eight years and two more kids later she left him because he (once again) thought he could do better. Eight years (fortunately no more kids) later she left him because he wasn’t happy. Now he is 55 years old and alone. All three women he wasn’t happy with are successful, happy and enjoying life. Karma? I think so.
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Wow. That makes me wonder what he was really searching for. Perhaps instead of looking at everyone else to provide him with the happiness he was seeking, he should have first looked within himself. Maybe then, he would have been happy the first go round – with you. It’s sad that, as he ran from himself (assuming that’s what he was doing), he left so many broken families in his path. Good for all those women though, including you, for being happy with where life has taken you.
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Unfortunately men tend to forget what we will miss… until we miss it. =\
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That sounds about right. Many of us are that way. We don’t realize what we have until it’s gone.
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Pingback: Stop Searching – One-Liner Wednesday | Me – Who am I?
So many are looking for the black widow -she/he will scare you and thrill you at the same time. Sad!
fiddledeedeebooks.wordpress.com
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She/he sure will! The black widow may be appealing to the eye for a moment, but soon that attraction will fade away, likely to be replaced with regrets.
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You got it!
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Fantastic post! I couldn’t agree more. I just recently had a very similar conversation with a friend of mine.
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Thank you. People do this often, unfortunately. It’s so much easier and better most times, to just stay put.
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