When You’ve Done All You Can Do

help

A few weeks ago, there was a discussion on someone’s blog about depression. Forgive me for not remembering where exactly that was, right now. The topic was focused on how people are afraid to tell others when they are going through difficult times, out of fear of being judged. Others stay silent simply because they don’t believe that anyone can help them.

We (I think it was on A Momma’s View), discussed the importance of not only speaking up when we ourselves are depressed, but also listening to and reaching out to others who are.

So often, people get shrugged off when they are hurting, by being told pointless things like, “It’ll get better. It could be worse. Everyone goes through hard times.” These statements do absolutely no good to those who are truly struggling. They don’t need to be told that things will get better. They need help.

So, what if you they do come to you for help and you do all that you know to do? You’re there for them. You give the advice they’re seeking. You offer your time, assistance and companionship. You point them to resources that may help them. You do everything that you can think of.

But…the worst still happens.

Why?

Is it because what we think should help, isn’t even close to what they really need? Is it because deep down they had already made their final decision?

If we’ve done all we can think of and nothing prevents the worst from happening, is there anything else that could have been done?

I don’t know.

But, I do know this – If we have done all that we know to do. If we have reached out. If we have offered our hand, our help, our guidance and resources, then we can’t allow ourselves to carry around guilt or questions of “what-if”. Sadly, sometimes the worst does happen and no matter what we could have done, nothing would have prevented it.

If you need help, please get help now. Don’t wait until you’re so deep in the pit that no light can penetrate it. Your life will most likely look very different in five years from now and you’ll be so thankful that you held on.

Life is worth living. Don’t let go.

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25 Responses to When You’ve Done All You Can Do

  1. I needed to stumble across your words right now. Thank you for writing this.

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  2. Miriam says:

    So much truth in this post.

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  3. Mick Canning says:

    Very well put, especially about the point of things looking so different in 5 years time. When I’m in a bad place, I remind myself that throughout my life I’ve been in those places, but 5 years later my life has changed in ways that I could never have anticipated.

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  4. Wonderful, and caring, message MWAI. There are so many things in this post that matter. Thank you.

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  5. April says:

    I’m getting better at telling someone that I manage depression and some days or even months get rough for me. Mostly, I hear silence from them. As a society I don’t think we really know what to say or do to reach out. What may work for one may not work for another. I don’t know. It’s a complex issue but if a person is suffering and I could be there to listen, you can bet I will be hearing as well.

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    • mewhoami says:

      Hearing vs listening is the key. So often we hear, but never listen. Sadly, it’s easier for most people to brush someone off than it is to sit back and realize that they may truly need help and then actually help them – or at least try. I wish it was a one-size fits all remedy, so that we would know what to do in every situation. But, unfortunately it’s not. So all we can do is *all* we know to do and then hope and pray that it’s received. It’s such a difficult predicament to be in, for both the depressed and the one trying to help.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. DailyMusings says:

    so well said. so hard for those who can’t find their way out and those trying to help

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  7. People should only reach for help if they want help.

    A lot of suicidal people really want to die. They are uninterested in life, and they don’t reach out to people because of this anti-suicide approach. They’re not interested in hearing how things ‘get better’ because it won’t make them want to live. It’s life itself that’s the problem.

    We can’t communicate with the suicidal while we have this barrier. Until we respect their desire to die, we will never be able to support them. Suicide shouldn’t be condemned or prevented – it’s the person’s own free will that brings it. Suicide should be available as euthanasia, so it will be easier and less painful for everyone

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    • mewhoami says:

      I really don’t know where to start with this comment. You’re right that everyone should have free will to do as they wish. However, suicide should never be one of the options that a person chooses. Life may not seem worth living at the moment, but give it five years, and I can almost guarantee that then it will be. People give up an entire life…an entire future that could very well be so much better than they ever could have imagined. Suicide is final. There is no coming back from that. Life is too important to just give up. Instead of focusing on quitting, a person should just focus on taking life one day at a time. They’ll likely be very surprised at how much different their life is in five years from now and will be so very thankful that they didn’t give up.

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      • Why is life so important? You do realize that the finality of suicide is what we ask? The complete nothingness is what we aim for?
        There are many people who regret failing their attempt. After all, previous attempts increase the likelihood of trying again.
        You do realize no one suffers when they die, so suicide is actually beneficial to the person doing it?

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        • mewhoami says:

          I’m not aiming for nothingness. I’m aiming to make the most of every moment I have on this earth, to help raise a family, to do my little part in making the world a better place for future generations. My goal here is certainly not death. It is sad that apparently that is the goal for some. It shouldn’t, and doesn’t, have to be that way. Life is wonderful – if a person allows it to be. There is no greater thing than living, loving and being loved. I don’t see how suicide would be beneficial to anyone. Not only does in cancel out all future possibilities for the suicidal, but it also hurts innumerable people in the process. I’ve been at a place where I had no hope, a place where suicide was an option being thrown around, but I am so very, very thankful that I held on. There is never a valid reason to give up. Life does get better as long as we allow it to. It’s a choice that we must make. Live the same way and be miserable. Or strive to live one day at a time (no matter how hard it is) and aim for life, a better life – a good life.

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          • In non-existence, nobody suffers. There is no pain, and no needs. It is a state where absolutely nothing can go wrong.

            This is what the suicidal people aspire to. There is no reason to keep them away from this. We should respect their bodily autonomy and allow them a painless exit from a life they never wanted.

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            • mewhoami says:

              It is very sad to me that a person would feel this way. We are all brought into the world for a purpose. That purpose may not always seem clear right away, but it’s there. It’s a purpose that will bring us fulfillment and gratefulness that we are here, that we were brought into this world. Although everyone has free will to do as they choose, this is certainly not one of those choices that should be made lightly and given to all. People don’t understand how final this choice is. They don’t realize how wrong their perspective may be about life, or the future of that life. People ‘jump ship’ way too soon. If they’d just hold on, they would reach a destination which is much better than death.

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              • How do you know we’re here for a reason? What if someone doesn’t like the reason they came here?
                People do understand the finality of suicide. The finality is what makes it so attractive.
                What could be better than a state of non-existence where you cannot suffer? Who are we choose otherwise for people who aren’t us?

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                • mewhoami says:

                  Everyone has a purpose. The only question is whether or not they decide to fulfill it. We are not here for only us – we are here for others. It saddens me that people are suffering so much that they would choose death over life – especially when their future would quite possibly be so much better IF they would just hold on. People give up a potentially great future for a temporary problem.

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  8. Good words and motivation to “care.” I love it. 🙂

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