Then Why Did You Ask?

advice

In an article entitled, “25 Quick Ways to Show Your Husband Love,” I couldn’t help but to laugh when I saw this listed as number 23…

  • Ask him his advice on something–and then follow it (without challenging him!)

Guilty! But apparently, I’m not the only one, seeing as how it made the list. How often do we do this – ask for advice and then question the advice given?

Why should it matter? Isn’t the fact that we asked, good enough? After all, we asked because we did sincerely want their advice. It’s just that our own solution to the problem was better – a solution that we had already decided upon prior to the conversation. So, why did we even bother asking?

Was it simply for confirmation? If so, wouldn’t it be easier to just be honest and say, “This is what I’m going to do. You should agree with me, so I’ll feel better about it.”

If we’re not going to listen to the advice given, then we’d be better off not asking.

{Use wisdom – Not everyone has the best intentions. Some advice is truly bad.}

If we do ask someone for advice, then we should try to do so without challenging them. How does not challenging your spouse make him/her feel that you love them? Simple. When we take someone’s advice, we are not only showing them that we trust them, but also that we value their input. As a result, we make them feel valuable.

Spouses need to feel that they are valued and appreciated by one another. We can tell them all day, but our words mean very little if we don’t show them with our actions. Listening to and taking their advice is one simple way (of many) to do this.

Needless to say, this doesn’t only apply to marriage. This is something that every type of relationship could benefit from. Not only can it strengthen those relationships, but it can also prevent needless arguments and frustration.

I am glad to have stumbled across that article. It provided a great lesson; one that I needed and have already put into practice.

We are never too old or too good to learn. We can always become better. Let us remain teachable.

“Happiness is always on the other side of being teachable.” ~ Shannon L. Alder

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38 Responses to Then Why Did You Ask?

  1. Alan Brighton says:

    Good article, interesting that there’s no gender bias – John Grey wrote a whole book on this subject about how the different sexes relate to each other and the asking, and giving, and taking advice was one of the key differences! Me, I’m not so sure… Cheers Alan

    Liked by 1 person

  2. joey says:

    I often tell my husband I’d like his opinion, his input and I add that I may not necessarily use it, but that I think two heads are better than one. However, I don’t ask when I’m already leaning in one direction.
    Some of the best moments are when he chooses a restaurant! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • mewhoami says:

      It’s good that you add the disclaimer. That way he’s not expecting a result that may not come. Like you, I believe that two heads are better than one. The ability to have open communication, to give and to take, is a key to marriage. Yes! I love when I don’t have to choose the restaurant, unless of course when I’m craving or *not* craving something in particular.

      Liked by 1 person

      • joey says:

        Truly. Sometimes I just want some food and I really want a break from thinking about it too much. I think many of us feel the same — we plan the menu, shop, cook — It’s nice to just eat sometimes 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  3. aviets says:

    Interesting concept. I think a lot of times when I’m asking for advice it’s really because I’m trying to clarify what it is I’m really feeling about a decision. So even if the person I’m asking gives me advice that’s completely counter to where I’m going it’s still helpful. That doesn’t mean I’m necessarily going to follow their advice; just that they’ve helped me out in my thinking – which I think is still valid.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mewhoami says:

      You make a good point here. This is exactly why I ask for advice many times. It’s to clarify my own thinking. I suppose then, it really shouldn’t be defined or presented as asking for advice – but instead, simply having a conversation.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. amommasview says:

    I often ask my hubby how he would approach it and if it makes sense to me follow his advice. If it doesn’t I would ask further questions. The dialog is there then and I guess a learning process too for both of us. I would tell him if it wouldn’t make sense for me at all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mewhoami says:

      That’s what I often do as well, however I’ve found that when I do so, I am often questioned why I asked to begin with. Why ask, if I’m just going to follow up with a rebuttal? As you said though, it’s a learning process for both parties.It’s all about understanding one another and our intentions.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Interesting advice and I think, that we should be allowed to ask without need to follow the advice every time. More to help the thinking proces.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Where can I find this article?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    I believe I touched on this actually in my post about women being crazy… 🙂 -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here, please visit their blog.

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  8. Good post! I shared it on! 🙂

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  9. I will ask for advice because I want other thoughts and ideas. It does NOT mean I’m going with it. It means I want information. And…balancing it out, some advice I take and use, some I use for counter balancing my thoughts, some I just accept graciously, whether I use it or not.

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    • mewhoami says:

      I agree. I think that many of us ask for advice when what we’re really seeking is just additional ideas and thoughts. I think that’s where other people’s frustrations come in. Maybe we could approach those conversations in a different way. Instead of asking for advice, maybe we should ask for their thoughts. That way our intentions are clear from the start.

      Like

  10. Being teachable is so important!

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  11. You don’t have to take my advice; just don’t spend half an hour explaining to me why it’s wrong.

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    • mewhoami says:

      Good one. You’re exactly right. The asking and not taking may not always be a problem, but the long drawn out explanation of why your idea is wrong, certainly is.

      Like

  12. LOL, I have a friend that will ask me “are you looking for advice or have you decided and you’re asking around until you find someone to agree with your decision?” 😀
    But, beyond that – excellent point. Loved this.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I actually came to this one on my own a while back….I won’t ask unless I intend to take the advice offered. However, it does sound like you found us an interesting article…I’m going to check it out too.

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    • mewhoami says:

      You were one step ahead of me. I knew exactly what I was doing, because it was brought to my attention on several occasions, but it wasn’t until I read that, that I realized its importance. It really does make a difference. We should only ask, if we’re willing to receive. Not only could their ideas be better (or at the very least, not harmful), but it’ll also make them feel good that we listened.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. April says:

    If it’s the type of question….does this make my butt look fat, then no, don’t ask for advice. I ask what my husband thinks of this or that. Then I share what I think. I value his opinion, however if it is something that only has an impact on a personal choice, I listen to his thoughts in order to work out any insecurities I have. I guess I’m not necessarily asking for advice but more of an opinion. If I didn’t want his opinion, I definitely wouldn’t ask…..that includes advice. I don’t give him advice either. Our *advice* is more about asking questions that the other may not have thought of. You know, I may be ignoring advice and not recognizing that I’m doing it….I’m going to start paying attention–thanks!

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    • mewhoami says:

      I think what’s important is that you two are able to understand each other when it comes to this issues. You both know your intentions from the start and that helps a lot. I also like that you don’t ask if you don’t want to know. I’m the same way. I’ve never understood why someone would ask a question, if they didn’t want to hear the answer. Even about the butt looking big in the dress – if I ask, it’s because I really do want to know, but I’ve found that regardless of my wanting the truth, men still think it’s a trick and dodge the question. I’m glad you found something potentially helpful in this post. You’re welcome!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Pingback: My Picks Of The Week #2 | A Momma's View

  16. Here is my two cents… I only read this post because I like your blog and your talent to make one think. With that said the advice here I agree indeed can be applied to all relationships. But I was married for 25 years. So I know a bit on husband subjects. In my case I had to ask advice and I had to use it even if my way was beer. I was trained (yes just like a dog) to do all things his way or I paid! Now 4 years apart I am in venting Annette. I listen and thrive on advice of others then decide if I want to try it their way or not. I am a work in progress and love people and the ways they do things like staying positive. So that’s my take on this post. Thanks again!

    PS I didn’t tell of my past to get any praise for overcoming it. Just giving example LOL just FYI because I was told once I must be looking for people to feel sorry for me..,…LOL

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    • mewhoami says:

      I am so sorry for my very delayed response. I don’t how this comment got lost in my notifications. Thank you for your viewpoint here. We should never feel forced to follow someone’s advice and to live how *they* feel we should live. Having been in a controlling relationship before myself, I know how imprisoning and miserable it feels to have no say over your own life. I’m sorry that you had to go through that, but glad that you learned from it – to weigh the advice given and to realize that it’s up to you whether to take it or not. I don’t feel like your writing this is asking for pity. On the contrary, I feel that it’s important for others to hear these stories so they know that they are not alone in their situations and can overcome them as well. Thank you for sharing, and again I apologize for not seeing the notification for this and replying sooner.

      Like

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