Many years ago I had a best friend. Well, she was a friend. I was a terrible one. It just took me a while to figure that out. Unfortunately, by the time I did, she had already cut all ties with me.
A few years ago, I sent her a message through social media to apologize for her being angry with me and for whatever it was that I did to cause it. Although I had good intentions, what I really did was apologize for her behavior, not my own. Needless to say, her response was not what I was hoping for. But, it was appropriate given all that I should have said, but didn’t.
Last night, 7 years after that message, she came to me in a dream. I was so thrilled to see her. We smiled and laughed. It was the best dream I’ve had in a long time. Oh, how I missed her. The best part of all, was that she had finally forgiven me.
This morning I woke up with her on my mind. All day I’ve been stopping myself from sending her another message; a much better one than the first.
Over the past 15 years, I’ve learned a lot about myself and who I used to be, including a lot of qualities that I didn’t like. One of which, was that I was an awful friend; not only to her, but to everyone. As a young adult, friendship was a matter of convenience for me. When I needed a friend, I had one. When I didn’t or when I didn’t ‘have time’ for them, I pushed them to the side.
I realize this now and I would like her to know that. But, all day I’ve been battling with mental road blocks. “What’s the point? She’ll either get angry again or ignore my message altogether.”
So I asked myself, “What do you want to accomplish through this?”
After happy thoughts of long-distance friendship (she’s moved far away) and catching up with one another, the final answer was simply … her forgiveness.
I suppose that’s all I really want; for her to know that I’m truly sorry and that I’ve learned what a terrible friend I was. I simply want her forgiveness.
But, am I brave enough? Should I just let it go? For her, will it stir up needless feelings of anger?
I don’t know, but I do know that I don’t like the idea of someone out there holding bitterness in their heart toward me or thinking that I’m just the same ole’ rotten person I used to be.
Decisions. Decisions.
Me - Who am I? 
Hi this is a nice post! I think you should just send it to her just like it is! In your post you explain your feelings and I am sure she would appreciate your words and wishes! Friendship is precious…<3
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Thank you! Perhaps that’s what I’ll do. You are certainly right about friendship. It is precious and as I’ve learned, it should never be taken for granted.
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Yes right! And I think you should give another try you no need to add any other words at what you wrote in your post hopefully she will perceive it at the right way! 😉
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Start to forgive yourself for being a terrible friend back then. Think then and see if you still need her forgiveness.
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For the most part, I think I’ve forgiven myself, but it sure would be nice if I had her side of it too.
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What’s the worst that can happen if you send her a note? She ignores you? She replies in a negative way?can you handle that? If you can then take the chance because the upside is much greater than any regrets you’ll experience down the road.
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Although a negative response is not what I’d like, that’s what I expect. It won’t bother me. I just hope that it doesn’t bring up any unnecessary anger or memories for her. But, by doing so, I’m hoping to clear the air and help her to understand that I’ve learned and also that people can change.
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Good luck, do let us know how you make out..:)
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It’s always nice to clear the air. I’d be careful with your expectations though.
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That’s what I think too and I don’t have many expectations. Her forgiveness would be nice, but really all I expect is a message much like the first one or never a reply at all.
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It’s a tough call. You don’t actually know why she stopped talking to you, yes? So be prepared for a big smack in the face of the you-who-was being a big jerk. She might still be too upset, or just too over it, to respond at all, or maybe it is just nothing – normal distance making the heart grow less fond. Hard to say without some feedback. All you can do is try, and as you already know make sure you say it is about your failure, not hers. I’d not harp on about how you have changed, just say it once and leave it at that – let the rest of your words be the convincing point.
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I agree with you about the words doing the talking and not me. If she decides to smack me verbally, then I won’t blame her for it. I deserve that and expect nothing less. Hopefully though, at the end she’ll be receptive. I’d sure like that, but don’t really expect it.
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You still have a desire to say things to her. You said there were things you “should” have said. If you feel you should have ,and still desire to do so, you have an opportunity a lot of people don’t. How many of us live with “shoulda/coulda/wouldas” and didn’t? Do what your heart tells you to do.
I love the honesty of this.
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You’re right about that. So many of lose the opportunities by waiting too long. I’d rather that not happen in this case. There is so much that I really should say to her. I think I’ll send her a message today.
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Good luck MWAI. I hope she receives it in the spirit you send it.
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Send her the link to this post
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I thought about that for a moment. But, even though I’m almost positive that I’m no longer truly anonymous anymore, I’m still trying to be.
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My first thought was the same as the one above – send her this post. But on reflection I think that you need to forgive yourself for getting things wrong, as we all do, and then move on. Let go of your pain, and let go of your friend. Be gentle with yourself.
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You’re right about forgiving myself. That’s a very important part of life – self-forgiveness. I feel that I’ve done that already, years ago. It sure would be nice to have her forgiveness too though.
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A touching post, truly! You should tell her how you feel if you feel things are incomplete, she’d appreciate it greatly. I think after that everything else will fall into place, either way you have to forgive yourself sooner or later. She may even help with that, you never know!
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Thank you, Marija. I hope that she’ll appreciate it and it won’t deepen the grudge she has against me. I feel like I’ve forgiven myself. I just don’t like the idea of others still thinking that I’m just the old person I used to be.
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Go for it- either through this post, or just a note. You will then know you have done the right thing no matter whether she responds or not
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I agree with you. At least then I’ll know that I’ve done my part. The rest (if there is to be a rest) will then be on her.
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You may have already decided by now and I feel there are some wonderful comments about this but I think I lean toward the notion of going for it. I think it’s important that you go for it for her benefit – meaning that it’s about making sure she knows your apology is sincere and that you’ve learned your lesson. If you do it for your own “reward”, it loses it’s meaning. If the idea is to just move forward, then it’s about forgiving yourself and not repeating past mistakes but if the idea is to make sure she knows, then just what you’ve said here is wonderful. I agree that you can’t expect a response or a positive one – but then again maybe a more positive one will come with the correct apology. Be prepared to know that the “positive” response may be a nonresponse and all that means is she heard you, has forgiven you but doesn’t want to rekindle the friendship. While that is unfortunate, if this is about her, then that’s still, I would think, a satisfactory outcome because you will have accomplished what you wanted – to ensure SHE knew how you feel and the growth you’ve made. I’m sure you were never a rotten person, just one who made mistakes, like the rest of us. The difference is you’ve learned lessons and applying what you’ve learned, making you an even better person than you were. 🙂
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You’re right about all that you’ve said. It is about her and her living with resentment in her heart. That’s what I don’t like. No one should live with that ugly feeling within them and if it’s there because of something that I did, then I need to my part in trying to take it away. That’s what this is about. Sure selfishly, I’d like no one to have ill feelings toward me, especially when it can be resolved and is no longer valid, but ultimately it’s about her. I treated her poorly and she didn’t deserve that. I realize that now. Maybe the response won’t be positive or maybe not come at all, but at least she’ll know.
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Let me know what you decide. I have an old friend that has been on my mind, and it’s not like we had a falling out, we just were on different paths, and everyone in my life would kill me for reaching out… but alas! I think if it’s on our minds, it is there for a reason, and we should reach out. Or it’s there to help us come to peace with it inside us… I DON”T KNOW!!! You go first and let me know! LOL 😛
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I completely agree with you. I don’t think that people just come to our minds out of the blue for no reason. There is a reason and maybe that person that you are referring to needs someone right now because of something they are going through. That was my first thought when my friend came to mind. Is she okay? I wondered. I think it’s time to reach out.
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Okay, I’m doing it too.. .I’m sending a text. EEK.
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I hope it worked out okay. (sorry for my late reply – been super busy)
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I didn’t get any response. But that’s okay, I feel better for having reached out! How about you? Done yours yet? 🙂
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