“Yelling silences your message. Speak quietly so your children can hear your words instead of just your voice.” ~ LR Knost
The quotation above goes for children, as well as adults. When we yell at others, they don’t hear us. All they hear is glass shattering noise. Noise that means nothing to them.
Back in the day, I used to yell in order to get my point across. I never understood why it didn’t work and why the situation always seemed to worsen. At the end, I would be angrier than I was at the beginning and never was a resolution found.
Then, I grew up. That only took about 30 years. I learned that when I spoke in a calm quiet voice that people actually listened. Not only did my words make more sense to the listener, but they would also take the time to hear me out. Another bonus I soon learned, was that I would hear them too. Instead of yelling and constantly planning my next word, I heard what they had to say. Most importantly, I listened.
Listening and hearing are two very different things. When you yell, people hear you. When you speak, they listen. Do you get frustrated by having to have the same argument over and over again? During that argument, do you lose your temper? If so, that may be why you’re still having it. Calm yourself. Stop yelling. Let them hear you and not just your voice.
When it comes to children, we should never yell. Unless of course they are running across the street in front of oncoming cars, in which case yell! Yell like you’ve never yelled before. Otherwise, keep your voice low.
There are two important reasons for this. One, we want our kids to hear us. If we’re screaming like lunatics, then they’ll walk away thinking just that – that we’re lunatics. Secondly, what do we want to teach them? How to explode on others in an instant or how to handle problems in a calm and mature manner?
Whatever we want to see in our children, we need to do ourselves. Set a good example.
When we yell at our children, we also ruin their feeling of self-worth. We make them question themselves and their abilities. We cause them to be over-critical of themselves, making them think that nothing they do is right. They begin to question our love for them and may even start to believe that they are unlovable.
Nothing good comes from yelling. If you want to raise healthy-minded children, speak to them quietly. If you want people to hear you, lower your voice. If you want them to listen, listen to them.
Learning to communicate properly takes practice, but the payoff is well worth it.
Your spot on. I’m a bit guilty of this myself at times. I grew up with a screaming mother and it’s been a constant challenge for me to not follow in her footsteps. My child deserves so much more than that. Thank you for writing this. We need to be reminded at times. 💕 M
It’s good that you can admit this. It’s certainly a struggle to overcome, especially after having grown up with it. I don’t recall my mother being a screamer, but I sure made up for it all by myself. You’re right – our kids do deserve better. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Thank you so much for reading.
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First, I have to say you made me laugh. Having a Deaf son opens up a whole new scenario, in which when I do “yell” I probably do appear to be a lunatic. Every gesture exaggerated to the nth degree. I should have someone film me one day to make me stop doing it. Haha!
Second, your post goes right alongside mine today. The frustrations I feel with the people I have to deal with on a daily basis does make me want to scream. Swearing is another one – possibly the adult version of dealing with other adults. A single four-letter word either in speech or writing can dismiss the entire point in one fell swoop.
I’ve never thought of that. That does certainly put a different spin on things. I must admit, that would be entertaining to watch. I’ve just opened your post in another tab to head over to when this comment is done. I completely agree with swearing. Once I hear that, I stop listening.
Wow. A skill, I confess, that I need to get better at….it’s so hard in the moment sometimes not to yell. I really like the reasons you give here and will carry them forward in my future endeavours…….perhaps even I will get the hang of it with a backdrop like this.
It took my awhile too. It’s hard to stop, especially after having done it for so long. It’s easy to let our emotions run wild and allow them to influence our responses. But for those reasons I mentioned in the post and more, it is certainly worth trying to control.
I am pretty good most of the time, but boy….I can have my moments here and there. Anyway, here’s to a renewed effort with good reasons now behind it!
My dad had the quietest gentliest voice. My mum would roar at us (as she was the one at home) and we would argue back. My father would come home and very quietly with a lovely northern Irish accent he’d say, ‘Patricia darling’. Whatever he said after that was lost as my tantrum was over with his kind voice. Sometimes it was ‘I’m so disappointed’ but other times it was, ‘Your poor mother is upset and I know you are too’. He bridged the gap in minutes I’d have sworn could never be bridged.
Goes to show that a calm presence and attitude can go a long way. It’s good that he was able to even out the playing ground with his gentleness. I think women especially allow too much of our emotion to stay within, so that when it does come out, it comes out too intensely.
When my dad spoke very quietly I was much more worried than when my mom yelled.
Yes! Same here. But at least we ‘heard’ them. I know for me, that quiet voice always got my attention. Scary, but it worked.
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I can only agree with you 🙂
Thank you, Irene. 🙂
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