“Yelling silences your message. Speak quietly so your children can hear your words instead of just your voice.” ~ LR Knost
The quotation above goes for children, as well as adults. When we yell at others, they don’t hear us. All they hear is glass shattering noise. Noise that means nothing to them.
Back in the day, I used to yell in order to get my point across. I never understood why it didn’t work and why the situation always seemed to worsen. At the end, I would be angrier than I was at the beginning and never was a resolution found.
Then, I grew up. That only took about 30 years. I learned that when I spoke in a calm quiet voice that people actually listened. Not only did my words make more sense to the listener, but they would also take the time to hear me out. Another bonus I soon learned, was that I would hear them too. Instead of yelling and constantly planning my next word, I heard what they had to say. Most importantly, I listened.
Listening and hearing are two very different things. When you yell, people hear you. When you speak, they listen. Do you get frustrated by having to have the same argument over and over again? During that argument, do you lose your temper? If so, that may be why you’re still having it. Calm yourself. Stop yelling. Let them hear you and not just your voice.
When it comes to children, we should never yell. Unless of course they are running across the street in front of oncoming cars, in which case yell! Yell like you’ve never yelled before. Otherwise, keep your voice low.
There are two important reasons for this. One, we want our kids to hear us. If we’re screaming like lunatics, then they’ll walk away thinking just that – that we’re lunatics. Secondly, what do we want to teach them? How to explode on others in an instant or how to handle problems in a calm and mature manner?
Whatever we want to see in our children, we need to do ourselves. Set a good example.
When we yell at our children, we also ruin their feeling of self-worth. We make them question themselves and their abilities. We cause them to be over-critical of themselves, making them think that nothing they do is right. They begin to question our love for them and may even start to believe that they are unlovable.
Nothing good comes from yelling. If you want to raise healthy-minded children, speak to them quietly. If you want people to hear you, lower your voice. If you want them to listen, listen to them.
Learning to communicate properly takes practice, but the payoff is well worth it.