Many experiences leading from my childhood to young adulthood still haunt me to this day when I think back on them. I can still feel the fear, sadness and confusion, just as I felt so many years ago when the events took place.
Events that left me crying and shaking in fear for nights on end. Other events that caused me to arrive at work wide-eyed, in disbelief and horror at what had just happened. I recall the silent screams in rooms full of people, with thoughts of “why?” playing through my head.
I’ll never forget those moments of wanting so badly to have the courage to confess everything to my mother, my father, to anyone who would listen. But, I never did. I remained silent.
Some stories were never written. A few have never been told. They have been kept, buried within me for no one to discover.
The pain I felt was real and sometimes terrible, brought on by those I knew and by those I didn’t. Situations that no one should ever have to go through.
However, as odd as it may sound, I am thankful for all of it. Would I ask to go through it all again? No, certainly not. But I also realize that without all those experiences, even as awful as they were, I would be missing important pieces that make me who I am today.
Everything that has ever happened to me has provided a lesson, insight and understanding. It has helped me to become more compassionate, loving and giving toward others. It has also taught me how to forgive.
Sometimes we may think that there is nothing to be learned from a certain experience and perhaps we’re right. Maybe the lesson isn’t for us, but for someone else instead. Sometimes we may go through things just so that we can help others. People who will need to hear our stories and how we overcame them, so that they can do the same. How could we ever help anyone if we’ve never gone through anything?
For all those reasons, even if I could, I wouldn’t change anything from my past – neither the experiences or the people.
The pain that we go through can destroy us, if we let it. But, it can also better us and give others the hope that they may so desperately need.
There is much more to life than what we see.
The inspiration for this post came from a thought provoking post and discussion at A Momma’s View, which I highly recommend reading.