Transitioning From Mommy to Mom


I’m a parent. Been one for over 16 years now, but this whole parenting thing is tricky business. How do you transition your parenting duties from childhood to adulthood?

We spend years getting our kids ready for the day, feeding them, tucking them in at night, and performing overall daily care. Then all of a sudden they’re older, capable of caring for themselves. They no longer need us to care for their needs as we had done for so many years. They can bathe themselves, dress themselves and even get their own food ready.

It’s like a constant tug-of-war between the parent we used to be and the parent we need to be now. We must remind ourselves constantly to “let them do it” and avoid jumping in to do it for them.

The most difficult part for me has been not tucking my son in at night. How do you go from taking your kid to bed every night, to just saying “goodnight” and let them take themselves?

My son, because of his mental age, doesn’t know that at his physical age most moms don’t tuck their kids into bed. He’d probably let me do it forever. But I know, and in an effort to assist him in becoming independent I must treat him like the young man he is.

But, I’m realizing that this is much harder than it should be. Simply saying “goodnight” from another room as he heads off to bed is such a foreign concept. So instead, I follow him to his room and stare at him from the doorway with a confused expression on my face, wondering what to do next. I can’t follow him in and give him a hug, because that would negate what I’m trying to do. So do I just walk away?

It’s funny how difficult all of this is. My mother made it look easy. I thought it was only me who had to struggle with growing up. How wrong I was!

Transitioning from Mommy to Mom is much more challenging than I expected. How do parents do this?

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19 Responses to Transitioning From Mommy to Mom

  1. aviets says:

    That transition was really hard for me, too. I loved those quiet moments together before they went to sleep.


  2. DailyMusings says:

    I think it is a natural progression as children mature and are seeking independence- as when a child is old enough to go to bed on his own and will call out a simple good night- similar to the transition between when things you used to say that they loved now embarrass them totally and they don’t want to be seen in public with you. For you and your son it needs to be more “defined” but how you are handling it seems to be the right way to go. Little by little….


  3. tric says:

    I did a post once called ‘when the last door closes’ which tells of the first night the youngest of my four children went to bed and closed the door. It has taken me months and to be honest I’m still not used ot it.
    I hope your son is less confused by it than you.
    Good luck I feel your pain.


    • mewhoami says:

      Aw, that sounds so sad. 😦 We haven’t gotten there yet, but I know the time is coming soon. I just need to figure out how to do that. It would be so much easier if he would initiate it, instead of me having to. I think he likes his independence. He’s been smiling all week at all the new things we’ve been doing. So, I think that I’m the only one struggling. Ha!


  4. I make it up as I go. Totally.
    It does help that with Mr. T’s work schedule, I’m frequently in bed when he gets home, but last night he did come in and talk to me for about 5 minutes to catch me up on his day – which doesn’t happen near as often as I’d like, normally he’s goes “It’s me” and I go ‘Ok, I love you’ and he goes “love you too” and hits the kitchen for a snack and then his room!

    It’s hard to let them go, and grow up and give them the independence, and I know your struggles are different than mine, so just know I’m struggling too! πŸ™‚ I do random things like hugs when I normally wouldn’t, or make him take a picture with me just to capture the moment!!


    • mewhoami says:

      Make it up – I think that’s the key. It’s impossible to do it by the book, since every situation/child is different. What’s wonderful about you and your son, is that you two are still close even through his teen years. I think that’s because you’ve always put so much focus on him and his activities. You’re a good mom. πŸ™‚


  5. Nothing easy about parenting is there MeWhoAmI. Definitely rewarding, beautiful and exceptional. Easy, never. I feel for you. And your beautiful boy.


  6. As you might know, I have had same kind of problems with one of my kids. It came also natural to say good night, but later than usual. Even today as an adult, I get a hug for good night, if we are together. A hug can be a good thing to do and to exchange the good night kiss with. When I meet my kids today, they are adults, we always give hugs for saying Hello or See you. We never say goodbye. And the hug can be given in another place than your son’s room, which also will give him more privacy. It has never been easy and we grow with the experiences too.


    • mewhoami says:

      You make a good point. I too hug my mother goodnight every night when I go to visit her. We are never too old for hugs. Maybe simply changing up the place for our “goodnights” will help us in this transition.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. April says:

    Yes, making it up as you go sounds like great advice. Every new experience can be a challenge to what a parent feels and what they feel is right for their child. You’re doing a great job!


  8. It’s a gradual thing. The only way to do it is in tiny increments, one day at a time. 😏


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