The other day, I was watching a video where people were speaking of how they remembered a woman who had recently died. From family to friends, everyone had their own words to describe her, but all of their words were more or less the same. It was apparent that they all knew this woman for who she was. She wasn’t a mystery.
As they spoke, the thought entered my mind, “What about when I die? There’s not many people who know the real me. The things they would say about me wouldn’t even be true.” I laughed at that thought, but it also greatly disturbed me.
Unlike the woman from the video, I am a mystery. Most people don’t realize it though. They think that who they see is the real me. To them, I’m quiet with a bland personality, have little emotions, no humorous side, and lead a rather boring existence. The words said at my funeral would cause people to leave thinking, “Wow, poor lady. She didn’t enjoy life at all.”
If I could attend my own funeral, it would be quite funny to listen to them because that’s not who I am. The real me is actually the opposite of all the characteristics listed above. It’s just that there are not many people who see that side. I can think of three. Three out of many.
Some call that pride, because I don’t want to embarrass myself. Others call it insecurity, and a few call it normal. Whatever the case may be, it takes a special bond for me to connect with others on that level; to be comfortable enough with them to be myself.
A few days ago I was talking to someone I barely know. But because they reminded me, both in appearance and mannerisms of one of the three people I mentioned above, I instantly felt comfortable with them. They saw me for me. It’s strange how that works, and I didn’t even realize it until later.
I wish that I was brave enough to show the real me to everyone, to have no inhibitions. Others do it and appear to have a grand time doing so. They’re not shy. They just live and enjoy every moment. That would be nice.
There have been several posts lately about how ‘people need to learn to live’ and ‘getting out of your comfort zone.’ Those are both true statements and I agree with them, but what people never tell us is how we’re supposed to do that.
How do you get out of your comfort zone, so that you can live? What causes some people to be free to live and others to be imprisoned by their own inhibitions?
This post is for the Daily Post prompt: A Mystery Wrapped in an Enigma
Me - Who am I? 
One step at a time, today do something that you have wanted to do but didnt and for once dont worry about what others think because it really doesnt matter. After a while of forcing yourself to do this it will become natural to you. I was so weary and nervous when I first started to tell people about my addictions and who I really was, but now it just comes out and I dont give it a second thought.
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One step at a time… good plan. For it to become natural would be so freeing. I feel like I’ve deprived myself for most of my life, never living life to its fullest. Thank you. As for your ‘coming out’, I think it’s wonderful and so very needed, for both you and for others.
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To bad we dont live near each other or I would be glad to help you let loose a little.
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I could probably use that! 🙂 Your one-liner yesterday was one I thought of while writing this post, “To LIVE is the rarest thing in the world, most people exist and that is all.”
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I cant stand the thought of living just to work, or around schedules all the time. in all honesty my husband is kinda like that, he is very business like in that way and he is so afraid of being embarrassed or looking silly where I am the complete opposite, I guess i am more of a free spirit but since I have kids you can only be so free ya know
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Funny, in my marriage it’s my husband who has no inhibitions. He just is who he is. It’s interesting how opposites truly do seem to attract. But, he’s the one who ‘lives to work’, whereas I just want be out, traveling and doing things.
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Thats me I just wanna drop everything and go camping but the hubby procrastinates about it forever and we end up not going at all
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I think alot of us approach life the same way….the real US being visible to very few. I have long-admired those that could “cut loose” and just BE, you know? Alas, for the ones like us, it’s a process, step by painstaking step we go, but we’ll get there. Each step is closer to another layer being shed.
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I admire people like that too. What fun that would be to just be us – to enjoy life to its fullest and not shy away in fear. We only get one life. You’re right though, with each step we are closer, even if they’re baby steps.
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I think we all have certain inhibitions or sides of our personalities that we dont easy show to others. At least most of us do. And I’ve found that those that appear the list outgoing and inhibited are actually hiding something. It may sound very simplistic , but the only way to step outside your comfort zone is to step outside of your comfort zone. Just do it once with something small and go from there. Baby steps. No one is suggesting you jump in the ocean but getting your feet wet in the pool might be a good start. Good luck..:)
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You may have a point there. Maybe the reason that they are so outgoing is to keep others from seeing what they’re hiding. Interesting thought. Just do it, right? Nike had it right all along. I think the real me would surprise some people, in a good way. You’re right, I just need to take the plunge, or at least a dip. 🙂
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Fear is my enemy. I have way too many fears and negative thoughts. I fight against it, but I don’t always win! I’m sure most people don’t know the real me, either.
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Fear is, aside from ourselves, our biggest enemy. It keeps us from so many things, and truly is a waste of time. Even so, it’s a constant fight, but perhaps with practice we can win.
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I became a Yes Man. Not even kidding when I tell you that I watched the Jim Carrey movie Yes Man and took that as my inspiration and said yes to everything that came my way. Which was hard to do because while I have a lot of self-confidence, I am extremely shy. Like debilitating. I’ve driven to events and ended up driving right back home because I was too shy to walk in by myself and have to say “hello” to anyone! But, for a year I said yes to as much as I could. And it was awesome.
Now, I still am shy, and one of my friends said that I was the best at talking like an open book and fooling people into thinking that I was revealing myself, but the reality was that I hadn’t shared anything at all! But, I’m having more fun 🙂
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The Yes Man. That’s a scary thought. I can only imagine the things that I’d get myself into., although it would be fun. I’m fine doing things, and enjoy myself, when I’m with the selected three and when I’m alone. The problem arises when there are other around. I clam up. So maybe I should try the Yes Man technique and see what happens.
Ha! Same here. When I talk to people they probably think that they’re learning something about me, but really they’re learning nothing at all. My conversations are always at surface level.
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I’m telling you – go watch that movie and then just do it! And, no one says you have to actually talk to others when you are out and about 🙂 You don’t have to be outgoing to live a full life – I think that’s a big misconception, too!
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‘Get out of their comfort zone’I think life is short and if you are comfortable, what harm is that? I remember going to a funeral of a friend, and his family lived far away. They commented that they thought they knew their child but listening to those speaking at her funeral they realised they didn’t know her at all.
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Oh, I’m not the one to ask because when I’m hiding myself, it is due to my own personal hell. I’m not sure about others. I’m always stepping out of my comfort zone with intention. If I know it will make me uncomfortable, I make myself do it anyway. While I blab about most of my life through blogging, I avoid talking about my life among face to face encounters. Be comfortable with yourself, even if that means that you don’t share your entire life with everyone you meet. It’s not required in order to live a full life.
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I’ve hidden myself in those situations too, but that’s an entirely different kind of hiding for me. I don’t mind doing new things if I do them alone or with the three people I feel most comfortable with. It’s with others that I run into issues, but I suppose that is where I should force myself to be “me”. I actually worked on it a lot over the weekend using baby steps. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll be “me” everywhere at this time next year. But, you’re right that being comfortable with myself is what ultimately matters.
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baby steps matter too….
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I wish there was an easy answer. I tell clients that you should start revealing your true self in low-stakes environments where you won’t really care about the outcome. Try it out on someone new. It’s hard to introduce new aspects of our personality to friends we’ve known a while but you can test them out with a gentle bit of humour or whatever it is, and if you feel safe, then drop more and more. A lot of people take a while to warm up and it’s not that unusual for friendships to evolve. You might even find the other person doing it too!
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Great thinking here, Jay. Thank you. To be myself around people I don’t know is much easier than with people I do. Starting off slow with them is a good idea. Since writing this, I’ve been trying little by little. It’s funny though when people don’t realize you have a sense of humor. Make a joke and they don’t know how to respond. “Is she joking? Is she serious?” Ha! 🙂 Good stuff!
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