Blogging can be a wonderful thing and for so many reasons. I am thankful for the community that we have here.
Yesterday I wrote about how the holidays sneak up on me every year, causing everything to be done last minute. A commenter mentioned that perhaps the reason behind this, is because I dread the preparation and therefore block the holidays out entirely.
That was a good thought, something that I had not considered before. After pondering that for a bit, I decided that it’s not the preparation that bothers me. I love to shop for others and I love to cook!
However, this commenter was onto something. A part of me does dread the holidays.
When I was a kid, I remember being so excited for Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday. Then something would always go wrong. Sometimes it was the arguing between my step-father and mother. Other times, it was probably my own attitude that ruined it. Regardless of who caused it, all I know is that many of those special days were ruined.
Years later when I had my son, he cared nothing about holidays or birthdays. Having autism, he didn’t understand the enjoyment or importance behind them. Regardless, I always wanted those days to be great for him. So I would do all the planning, cook, buy gifts and endeavor to make them wonderful memory filled days.
The problem, was that I would get excited and he wouldn’t understand why. As a result, he would become highly agitated and have meltdowns that would normally carry on throughout the entire day. Although I learned to stifle my excitement, for several years our holidays and birthdays were nothing but long drawn out days of tantrums and tears. Both mine and his.
Even now that the arguments between my parents, and my son’s tantrums are long gone, I still assume that those special days will turn out bad. At times they still do, but I suppose that’s normal.
So do I dread the holidays? Yes, I do. Having looked forward to countless holidays and birthdays, only to have them ruined is a valid reason I think. I love the ‘idea’ of those special days, but I also fear them.
I’ll admit that a large of part me would rather avoid them altogether, but at the same time I can’t and won’t. With each upcoming holiday and birthday, I remain hopeful that they will turn out well. That they will be great.
A positive outlook can change everything.
“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” ~ Willie Nelson
Me - Who am I? 
I think you have found the reason, Me Who, for your reluctance to accept that they are upon us. The past reactions were bound to leave their mark on your holiday psyche. I’m impressed that you are able to gather up your enthusiasm now the way you do. Bravo.
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Thanks, but don’t give me too much credit. I still struggle with each holiday. But knowing the reason now may help me to do even better next time. Oh! That would be in three weeks, wouldn’t it? 🙂
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loved Christmas until I lived with my ex. Every year was a violent argument and now Christmas doesn’t do anything for me. I can’t get excited anymore. Maybe you have something here. My excuse was that its for kids but I think you could be right. Don’t get wrong, like you I enjoy the shopping and cooking but decorations and spirit are a thing of the past
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What a terrible way to spend Christmas. Due the circumstances, I can understand your lack of excitement. It’s hard to get back the spirit of Christmas once it’s been lost. But, I think that with the right positive view, I could train myself to get excited about it. Then again, that hasn’t worked thus far. I’m not giving up though.
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Lol me either. I have a tree this year and that’s a vast improvement.
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Good job! Baby steps.
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I’m a fanatic when it comes to Christmas, but I get depressed when I’m decorating. The music made me cry. Yes, I love Christmas, but its the time of the year where I missed my mother the most. She passed 28 years ago and I’m still cry for her. Also Christmas was her time of year, too. So no matter how much I love Christmas it makes me sad.
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That would make Christmas a sad time, no matter how wonderful it is. Then again, if it was your Mother’s favorite time of the year, then maybe you ‘living it up’ would make you happy, knowing that it would also make her happy.
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Reblogged this on galesmind and commented:
It always amazes me the false joy of the season maybe we have lost the reason for the joy. What ever it is I think a lot of people don’t really enjoy the holidays but feel they must for others. Perhaps we need a rethink. A holiday from holidays. Perhaps we can just have the joy of being together and try to not make it something it isn’t. Bless you for speaking the truth.
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Thank you, Gale. There seems to be quite a few who have different ideas of what the holidays should be like, and some who do not enjoy them at all. I think that no matter what, we should take the stress off the day and like you said, just enjoy being together.
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Reblogged this on Marilyn Munrow and commented:
I too have many dreads about the holidays creeping up on us. Unfortunately a lot of us have lost loved ones over the holiday season. I know it seems strange, but ask anybody, and they will say, oh yes, mum passed, or dad passed, or auntie so and so passed over christmas time. It seems to be a time for giving and a time for taking too.
I think now, we have lost the spirit of christmas time. It should be time for family and for giving love, instead, its now a time for rushing around, spending money that we do not have, and the stress of the day itself. Trying to make sure everything is perfect. Why? WE dont do this all year around do we?
I did try one year going on vacation at christmas time, I thought that would take the stress away. Wrong. All it did was make me miss my family so much, that i would never consider it again. So i think we are stuck with it now. We stay home, love our families, put up with the ones we dont love so much and get on with it. Just spare a thought for the homeless, the childless, the sick, and the mentally ill at christmas time too. They need our prayers too. God bless everybody.
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You are right about that. It seems like so many people lose loved ones around the holidays. That alone makes for a difficult and sad holiday season.
The rush of the shoppers and their stress can be felt everywhere. I think the true meaning of Christmas has been lost. Family should come first and then let whatever else fall into place after that, and if nothing does, then we still have the most important of all – family. I agree, there are many in need of prayers and giving during this time and always. We shouldn’t forget them. (Side note: Your comment notification just now showed up – sorry for the delay in replying)
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I think that we should not make ourselves live up to some idealized expectations for the holidays. Celebrate them in a way that is comfortable and comforting for you and your family. I might want to go out by myself hiking in the wilderness and commune with nature, just as an example. We should do only what is meaningful for us. Holidays are so supercharged emotionally for so many people because of memories or expectations or not fitting into the description of the ideal family or because we might be alone.
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You’ve made a great point here. While we’re so busy trying to live up to the expectations of others and what the holiday is ‘supposed’ to be, we tend to bring upon ourselves (and others) undue stress. Instead, we could just enjoy the holidays in our own way. Who says that everything has to be perfect or traditional? I must admit though, I’m a sucker for tradition.
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Well I guess we all have our expectation of some kind of perfect holiday. And then we set ourselves up for disappointment. But maybe there is some way to have some tradition that is compatible with you and your family. We can make our own traditions, can’t we?
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I love how honest and real you are when you examine yourself. Your explanation makes your feelings very explainable. Our expectations can cause us a tremendous amount of excitement or a tremendous amount of pain. Something we can probably all identify with. I really hope this year will be a good one for you. Let it all unfold as it is without expectation. A positive outlook can change everything. Sometimes you just need a shift in perspective 😉
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Expectations are great to a point, but yes, when they start causing pain or stress then we should toss them to the side. Nothing is going to be perfect and we must learn to be okay with that. I agree, a change of perspective could completely change those days around. Any day can be a great day.
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You make complete sense to me MeWhoAMI. It sounds, though, like you have that inner desire to be positive. So your positive doesn’t have to mirror other’s positive image. It may be different. I can’t muster up the energy for the “holiday” spirit the way others are. But I am full of spirit when I am making something for my kids, grandkids or friends. When we are building Christmas houses, or carving out angels….. my house may not be decorated but my heart is. 🙂
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Although difficult at times, I certainly want to and strive to remain positive. I like how you point out the differences. You’re right, everyone’s positive may be different. We should make the most out of where our positivity flows, whether that be gifts, crafting, building Christmas houses or simply spending time with our family. Yes, your heart is beautifully decorated!
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😀 You make me happy. 🙂
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I wonder how many get this dread going inside them. I, too, suffer from it. As a kid, I loved the anticipation, but as soon as the big day arrived, I was down and dissappointed. I don’t even know what I was expecting from those holidays.
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Yes, and how many are pretending that it’s not there, not wanting to admit how they truly feel. I wonder what it is that we expect that causes our hopes to be dashed. Could it be all the beautiful Christmas stories we have watched since childhood. People singing around the piano, Christmas music playing in the background, people laughing, a perfect turkey and table set-up, etc. Maybe our inner-child is expecting our holidays to be like that.
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Thank you for sharing this. I’m reminded once again we are never alone in our suffering. xoxo
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You’re welcome. It is nice to know that we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings.
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I definitely agree with your quote from Willie, I dont have the best memories from holidays and birthdays but as I have gotten older and realized that the love I have for them is about me finding the joy in it and not about everyone else around me it became more positive. The holidays remind me that no matter how bad the year seemed to be I made it through everything. Nothing tore me down!
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Just a few words can create many great thoughts or enlightenment. It’s great you thought about this, you’re learning about yourself, aren’t you.
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I’m glad that it was suggested, otherwise I may not have thought about it. It’s great to learn about ourselves
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