Blogging can be a wonderful thing and for so many reasons. I am thankful for the community that we have here.
Yesterday I wrote about how the holidays sneak up on me every year, causing everything to be done last minute. A commenter mentioned that perhaps the reason behind this, is because I dread the preparation and therefore block the holidays out entirely.
That was a good thought, something that I had not considered before. After pondering that for a bit, I decided that it’s not the preparation that bothers me. I love to shop for others and I love to cook!
However, this commenter was onto something. A part of me does dread the holidays.
When I was a kid, I remember being so excited for Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday. Then something would always go wrong. Sometimes it was the arguing between my step-father and mother. Other times, it was probably my own attitude that ruined it. Regardless of who caused it, all I know is that many of those special days were ruined.
Years later when I had my son, he cared nothing about holidays or birthdays. Having autism, he didn’t understand the enjoyment or importance behind them. Regardless, I always wanted those days to be great for him. So I would do all the planning, cook, buy gifts and endeavor to make them wonderful memory filled days.
The problem, was that I would get excited and he wouldn’t understand why. As a result, he would become highly agitated and have meltdowns that would normally carry on throughout the entire day. Although I learned to stifle my excitement, for several years our holidays and birthdays were nothing but long drawn out days of tantrums and tears. Both mine and his.
Even now that the arguments between my parents, and my son’s tantrums are long gone, I still assume that those special days will turn out bad. At times they still do, but I suppose that’s normal.
So do I dread the holidays? Yes, I do. Having looked forward to countless holidays and birthdays, only to have them ruined is a valid reason I think. I love the ‘idea’ of those special days, but I also fear them.
I’ll admit that a large of part me would rather avoid them altogether, but at the same time I can’t and won’t. With each upcoming holiday and birthday, I remain hopeful that they will turn out well. That they will be great.
A positive outlook can change everything.
“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” ~ Willie Nelson