Thirteen year old girl, beautiful and loving. She walks with her head held high trying to hide the hurt within. Her arm is lined with cuts, both old and new. Each line, too many to count, displays one more hurt, one more night of hopelessness.
Each cut made in an effort to release pain. Much to her disappointment, the pain still resides deep within her. She cuts again. The pain is still there. She can’t rid herself of it. She’s alone, hurt, confused.
She needs help, not from a blade, but from someone who can help her from within. She seeks that help and she find it in boys, for a moment. They hurt her. She cuts again. She continues to look and finds help once more, in a friend. A friend that deceives her. She cuts again.
There is no one. She is alone. She stops looking.
Someone finds her. They see her pain, her hurt, and they help her. She’s leery of their intentions. What do they want from her? Will they hurt her too? They don’t. They tuck her under their wing, give her help and guidance. She feels loved, maybe for the first time in her thirteen years of life.
With every new day, the cuts begin to fade. No longer are new ones being etched into her skin. Instead, she’s learning to release her pain through words to those who care, those she can trust.
She’s no longer alone.
Finally there is a glimmer of hope before her, small perhaps, but not too small to grab onto. She holds onto that hope for dear life, and she lives another day.
Thirteen year old girl, erasing her hurt one faded line at a time.
Each day is a new day. With every heartbeat, there are new possibilities.
Me - Who am I? 
Self harm is one I haven’t fully understood. I know it’s a release, but I just haven’t figured out that one. Lovely post, with such encouragement at the end.
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It broke my heart when I saw this young girl’s arm, etched with uncountable lines. No child, no person, should have to endure the internal pain that causes them to do such a thing. It’s so sad.
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Sadly, legs and places not normally seen are where they hide those scars. Everybody deals with their illness in different ways, I just wish that they could get great help to find a way to find a better way to release their pain.
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If her arm looks the way it does, I can’t imagine how the hidden parts of her may look. So sad. I agree with you. Everyone deals with it differently, but regardless of the method they all need help, proper and timely help.
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I never understood the need to hurt yourself to release pain until my son went through psychotic episodes. He told me that whilst part of his mind was saying “Don’t do this. It will only cause more pain in the healing”, he couldn’t stop himself from tearing out his hair, biting himself or tearing at his skin with his nails. He said that it was a release for him. If he hadn’t been in care and had all sharp implements taken away from him, I’m sure he would have cut himself. I still don’t fully understand it but find it sad that the body finds release through pain. I guess the physical pain takes the mind off the mental anguish.
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I am so sorry to hear that your son went through that. I feel for him and for you, as I can only imagine how helpless you must have felt. Has he been able to overcome this? Unfortunately, I do somewhat understand it, but never took it near as far as many people do these days, and so very thankful for that.
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He is past that now the he is medicated however it was incredibly interesting (and heart wrenching) hearing him speak about what he was feeling.
I too can understand that you would do anything to heal the pain but I haven’t done anything such as cutting.
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I imagine it was. So thankful that he’s grown past it. That is wonderful to hear.
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