I keep seeing you. I don’t try to look for you, but everywhere I go, you’re there. We were walking through the park today, and there was a man sitting on a park bench, facing away from us.
My eyes welled up with tears, as I stopped behind him to look at his hair and the edge of his glasses. He had your hair. I remember when I brushed your hair. It was such a mess, from you laying in that bed for so long. You wouldn’t have liked people to see you that way.
There was a picture of a man on a train. He looked like you, so I saved it.
I miss you.
When I went to tell you ‘goodbye’, you tried so hard to turn your head to look at me. You couldn’t open your eyes, but you knew I was there. I know you did.
There are so many things I should have said in those final days, but didn’t.
It’s not fair.
I don’t understand. You weren’t ready. We weren’t ready. It was so sudden. You were stolen from us.
I’m a researcher. That’s what I do. I need to stop. I research late at night. Things about you. Your illness and why things happened the way they did; as quickly as they did. I think I want someone to blame. But, there’s no one. After hours of trying to make sense of it all, all I’m ever left with is tears and sadness.
Death comes to everyone. I understand that, but you were so young. We still had so many memories to make together as a family. You’re missing out on so much. It’s not fair.
I miss you.
Without warning, in two weeks time, Leukemia (AML) took the life of my stepfather of 23 years. It was sudden. It was terribly unfair. I miss him.
Like a champagne bottle, when you shake it, the fluid has got to come out. That’s me. I’ve been shaken.
But, don’t fret! Come back tomorrow for a yay, let the summer games begin, post!
Until then, I’ll end this was something I never could have said a year ago.
If you’ve lost a loved one, I may not fully understand your pain, because everyone feels it differently. But, I do understand the emotional toll it can take on those left behind. So whether it was recent or decades ago, I am truly sorry for your loss.