Stalkers

stalker

We used to live in a trailer home community. It was nice and wasn’t like what you see on TV. We didn’t have couches in our front lawn or piled up trash next to our house. However, we did have some interesting neighbors. One of which was a man, who began stalking me.

I was only 11 at the time and he was in his 40’s. There were many times that I would step out of my house and his truck would be across the street facing me. In it, was him staring in my direction. He would then follow me in his truck, as I walked down the road.

One day, as I was heading out with my step-dad’s oldest son, he looked over and saw the man watching me. Now that there were witnesses, I was no longer viewed as being a paranoid little girl. He was in fact stalking me.

During that same time frame, Halloween arrived. My friends and I dressed up, and began going door to door. At that time, I had no idea where the man lived. Soon I found out. I knocked on his door and with a huge grin, he opened it. “I’ve been waiting for you.” He reached over and grabbed a king size candy bar, and handed it to me. “I bought this especially for you.” He had a wicked sideways expression that immediately sent shivers down my spine.

The following day there he was again, watching my house. That was it. We called the cops and I rode with them to the man’s house to point out where he lived. It wasn’t long after that, that the man moved away.

My stalkers kept coming. In high school, I dated a guy for a while. Eventually, I called it off. He didn’t though. At the time, I was working at a card shop. He came in one day and sat down inside the front entrance, and stared at me for hours. It was very funny to watch, but I ignored him and went about my work as normal. Since that idea of his didn’t work, he began sitting in his car each day out in the parking lot, watching me as I worked. He was harmless though, just interesting.

Then, came “John”. He was a piece of work, and convincing too. He knew exactly how to win me over and once he got me, everything changed. He became extremely controlling, over just about anything you could imagine. I was terrified of him.

Once I caught onto who he truly was, I tried to leave him. He on the other hand, tried to force me to stay. His thought was, “If I can’t have you, no one can.” After threats on my life and then trying to break into my home, I soon got a restraining order against him. Many times the story doesn’t end there, but thankfully mine did.

Stalkers are everywhere.

What’s most frightening about this digital age, is that stalkers are everywhere. No longer are they the person watching you from down the street. Now they are watching you on social networking sites, blogs such as this, and various other online platforms. Someone could be keeping track of every move you make, without you even knowing. That’s scary and it happens all the time.

Why do people become obsessed with others?

Why a person has to hold onto someone against their will, is something that I’ve never understood. I’ve always been of the mindset that if a person doesn’t want to be here, then let them go. In any relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve always made it very clear, that they are welcome to leave at any time they wish. I won’t chase them or beg for them to stay.

Their happiness, even if that means that it’s without me, is what matters most. So go. Be happy.

While discussing another person’s marriage the other day, someone told me “Good thing they’re not married to you! Because you’d say ‘Bye! Good riddens!'” I sure would. Why hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be there? That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t be hurt over it, but I prefer them to be happy.

All this leads me to the question, why do people become stalkers? What makes them become obsessed with someone? Why can’t they just let go?

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17 Responses to Stalkers

  1. If only you had the answer to that – you could help out so many people!!

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  2. April says:

    I’m glad you managed your stalkers, especially the very threatening one. My theory, they have a mental illness. A short circuit wiring that is kept inside themselves until they get caught. If nobody is aware of those tendencies, the stalker can’t be treated for that type of illness. But, you can lead the ill person to the help, but you can’t make them take it.

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    • mewhoami says:

      Me too! What’s odd, is that I could see him today and although he might still be angry at what I did (restraining order, etc), we’d probably be just fine face to face. You may be right about the wiring. There’s got to be something different inside them that makes them behave that way, or else everyone would.

      Horse to drink 🙂 Good analogy. You can’t convince people that they need help, when they don’t feel that they need it.

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  3. CindySheaNH says:

    I recently discovered that an old “ex-in-law” has been “cyber-stalking” me. I haven’t spoken to this person in over 10 years and only saw them once during an event for one of my children about 3 years ago. This person has never been very nice, but why after all these years they are looking me up is beyond me. Like you, I wish I knew the answers. Then maybe we could help these people move and do something more interesting with their lives.

    So glad you were able to be rid of yours.

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    • mewhoami says:

      That is strange. Why would he pop up after all this time? That would certainly have me interested and a bit bothered too. “Do something more interesting with their lives” – that is absolutely right. Wouldn’t it be so much more fun to live their life, than follow other people around as they live theirs? I don’t understand it.

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  4. Doobster418 says:

    To the best of my knowledge, I have never been stalked, and I know that I have never stalked anyone. So I’m not equipped to answer your questions on this topic, interesting though it is.

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    • mewhoami says:

      Men do have stalkers too, so there’s always a chance that some woman may have been watching you from the darkness. Men are typically the ones who can’t seem to let go though. They hold on in the physical sense, whereas women do emotionally. Interesting.

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  5. Teela Hart says:

    Great post. I’m not sure there are any answers to the question of why. :/

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  6. How terrifying!!!!! I’m glad you’re okay. I don’t have any answers as to the ‘why’ of stalking. But stalkers scare the bejeebers out of me.

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    • mewhoami says:

      Thank you! Me too! 🙂 It would be nice to have the answers, but as April said, it’s probably mental wiring. So, what you can do if they don’t want help? Nothing, and that’s the scariest part.

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  7. Obssession, possession, mental illness…perhaps a combination…but one thing for sure, many cannot or will not let go…great post…glad you are safe.

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    • mewhoami says:

      That definitely sounds like a dangerous combination, and fitting too. Thank you! I am too. Not all stories end as well as mine. It’s terrible that some end in tragedy.

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      • So true…It’s so important to recognize the signs and to talk about it. Some think it will just go a way and don’t tell anyone…isolation is what a stalker is counting on to feel empowered.

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  8. That is why… I am getting guns. And maybe a canon. Colorado is crazy…

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    • mewhoami says:

      I am so offended that you are commenting on my blog! 🙂 Motivated by guilt or not, I’ll happily accept the visit either way. With those two precious little girls of yours, a gun may not be a bad idea. Crazy Colorado indeed, especially those folks over in Arvada.

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