Your eyes are the windows into your soul. However if you’re crafty enough, then you can shield the view with curtains.
That is, until you cry. Tears flow right through those curtains, no matter how strong the material might be. Crying reveals everything. Tears are a product of happiness, sadness and sometimes, anger. When you cry, people see you. They see the inner you.
No longer are you the strong person that you were five minutes ago. You don’t have it all put together, as everyone thought. No longer is your life as smooth as you pretend it to be.
You can hide a great deal of emotion underneath the surface, but tears, once shed, are very visible.
Crying makes a person vulnerable. For that reason, I do everything within my power not to. Strange as it may sound, my usual tool to prevent such occurrences, is singing songs. Silly songs. In my head, not out loud. Singing songs like “Itsy Bitsy Spider” while attending a funeral might offend those who are there. So would singing while visiting someone in the ICU.
That doesn’t stop me from putting on a show inside my head though. It’s my way of escaping difficult situations, and so far it’s proven to be quite effective.
I’ll admit that crying is a great release and very therapeutic – for everyone else. As for me, I rather just not experience it at all. It not only makes me vulnerable to others, but to myself as well.
When a person expresses that type of emotion, they come to the full realization of their suffering, whatever it may be. I rather not come to that realization. In that sense, blindness is welcome. I don’t want to feel.
Then, there’s the other part of me. The part that often wishes that I would allow myself to. I imagine that it would be very freeing to be able to express outwardly, what I feel inwardly. To not be so afraid of myself, and of what others may think of me.
Why do I hinder myself in this way? What am I really afraid of?
Me – Who am I? Once again, I’ve found that my blog name is very fitting.
This post is a response to Don Charisma’s prompt: Vulnerability