Opinion – Once In A Lifetime Love?

love

“I think you can only be in love once in this life, and after it’s lost you kind of just stumble through the rest of your life.” Someone sent me that message last night, and it’s been on my mind ever since. Are they right?

After you fall deeply in love with someone, and lose them for whatever reason, is that it? Can you never truly love like that again?

Also, if love is a choice, can’t people choose to love again? Or does that type of love have to happen on its own?

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34 Responses to Opinion – Once In A Lifetime Love?

  1. Love is an emotion and if we allow ourselves to be open for meeting love, I believe it is possible to love many times in life.

    Friends do also share a kind of love for each other.

    The one and only is for me something over charged romance.

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    • mewhoami says:

      “To be open for meeting love”. I think that’s a key right there. We must want it, otherwise we’ll chase it away. There are definitely many types of love.

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  2. Matt says:

    You know where I stand.

    The feelings part of it won’t be known until I have more time. But there can be no doubt that love, as I define it, is a choice. And we get to choose whatever we want.

    The rub?

    Will you ever meet someone who makes you WANT to choose that again?

    I know people who have. And people who haven’t.

    Good question.

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    • mewhoami says:

      Matt! I’ve missed you! That sounds weird, but what I mean is that I miss our back and forth comments. In order to give your posts the attention they deserve, I open them in a separate tab to read when I have ample time. Then something always comes up and I miss out.

      Aside from all that stalker talk, I do know where you stand and I thought of you when I wrote this.

      I agree. Love is a choice, just as choosing to no longer love someone is.

      You make an excellent point. Will they ever meet that person who will make them want to love again. Even though a person may be open to love, they certainly can’t do it alone. 🙂

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  3. suzjones says:

    My grandmother had two wonderful husbands. She always said that she loved them both in different ways but her first husband was her greatest love.

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    • mewhoami says:

      “Her greatest love” – sounds like a romance story, a sad one perhaps. I believe a person can love more than once, but like your grandmother said, the love may never equal what was felt for that special one.

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  4. April says:

    Hmmm… I love Matt and Irene’s comments. I’m beginning to think that most everything we do in life is a choice. The only instances I see where choices aren’t possible are during deep clinical depressive episode, or sufferers of OCD, schezophrenia, eating disorders…..

    So, I believe I have to think about this some more–good question, mewhoami.

    Continuing to LIVE after the loss of someone you love, whether through death, divorce, or a simple parting of ways, is a choice—the choice of HOW we want to live after the loss. So, no, I don’t believe there is only one true love in life, unless it’s yourself.

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    • mewhoami says:

      Same here. They had some great comments. I agree with you that most everything in this life is a choice, with the exception of a small few.

      Continuing to live is the hardest part, I would think. Too often we let those circumstances cause us to hide away and watch from a distance as life passes us by. It’s sad, but sometimes it’s hard to pick yourself up after a loss; a loss of any kind. Love is out there, people just have to be willing o give it a chance.

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      • April says:

        It is hard to open one’s heart after hurt. The way I’m trying to look at obstacles, loss, heartache–whatever way you want to look at it—I survived. I will survive the next setback, I will continue to survive, and look for happiness until I’m gone.

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  5. Lori says:

    It’s possible to love like that again…although it may take quite some time. I never loved my 1st husband (married 17 years) as deeply as my first love in high school. I loved him as a partner, co-parent, more of a deep friend kind of love. I have since gotten remarried, and I find myself loving deeply and openly–more so than I ever did in my first marriage. It’s an odd thing and nothing I strived for…it just kind of happened.

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    • mewhoami says:

      I read your comment last night and it’s been on my heart since. It seems that the high school sweethearts are often the ones who people hold onto the most. Was it because they were the first love, or because they truly were the best love? I’m not entirely sure, as each situation would likely be different.

      I’m glad that you’ve found someone now who you can be you with and love deeply. That is so important.

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  6. I believe that romantic love develops into a more profound love over time. Couples in long-term relationships fall in love again and again. It’s a beautiful thing. I do believe that we have the capacity to love again when love is lost.

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    • mewhoami says:

      I agree with that wholeheartedly. Love is something that grows over time, not something that happens overnight. A good, pure love for another is one of the most beautiful elements of life. I think you’re right. We can love again. But is it the same deepness of love?

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  7. On sex and the city the girls discussed on one episode that we get two great loves. as someone with ‘one down’, Im choosing to believe the wisdom of Carrie and Co.

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    • mewhoami says:

      As some have commented on here, you must be open to love. Obviously you are, so I believe that you will find it. Plus who knows – your next love may be even greater than your first.

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  8. I believe we can love more than one person if our heart is open. I also believe love is a choice we have to recommit to every day

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  9. stormy1812 says:

    What I’ve heard is that people who love once, are more likely to love again. The whole you can only love once is too dramatic. I think those kinds of loves are the ones we read about or see in movies on occasion but those are real or long lasting. They’re hyper-passionate, which in a moment can be nice, but again, they’re fleeting and leave a person feeling hollow afterward. It’s a sort of vacuum if you will. Personally, I’d rather be open to the idea that a loving person is “prone” to lots of love during a lifetime – it may not all be romantic and even when it is, okay so it’s not to the same person which makes that experience unique, but it’s still there.

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    • mewhoami says:

      You’re right about the hyer-passionate relationships. Those seem to only last for a short time before they vanish away. I believe it’s because they had no foundation. Real love is built on a strong foundation, a foundation that is continually strengthened over time. A person who is loving is also lovable, and for them I don’t think that their chances for love ever run out. Great comment. Thank you!

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  10. Glynis Jolly says:

    To me, and probably only to me, it’s obvious that the person who went you that is under the age of 35. I’ve been ‘in love’ (as opposed to just ‘love’) three times. Although each time the experience has certainly been different, one thread seems to remain the same. I’ve felt the love through out my whole being. Each time it has consumed every part of me. I have loved more than once.

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    • mewhoami says:

      You were very close. 34. I love how you stated your comment. “Through out my whole being.” That’s genuine love. A love that can be felt. Love can certainly happen more than once, although it may be a bit different each time.

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  11. I hope that there is both. I believe love is so powerful and in so many forms that we can’t possibly predict how all 7 billion of us might react to it, losing it, and looking for it again or not. But you reminded me of someone I think of and was happy to have met. Thank you for the reminder, I took your reminder and wrote about him today. Thank you. 🙂

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    • mewhoami says:

      Each situation is different, just as each type of love is different. I think that the power of a specific love determines how a person reacts to losing it. I think of those couples who have been married for 50-60 years. It’s of no surprise than one usually passes away shortly after the other. They are each others’ lives. I’m interested in reading your post and glad that this one was able to stir up some nice memories for you.

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  12. Khai says:

    The problem is the difference between love–the emotion– and love–the choice– that causes this disconnect.

    I certainly disagree with the notion that you can only love once in your entire life. To say that was true would be to choose, who was it that I truly loved? Did I not love my (now ex) fiancee, because I do love my current partner? Did I not love my longest boyfriend/now one of my best friends because I loved before and after him? The emotional high, of “falling in love” can happen multiple times, and often does.

    Love is a choice in that, when the emotional high fades (because, emotions shift sometimes) you still choose to act in the object of your love’s best interest, put their needs ahead of your own, and treat them with decency and respect. Emotional ebb and flow is certainly not something to base an entire life around, but choosing to commit yourself to acting in a loving manner every day is something you can do.

    My two cents.

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    • mewhoami says:

      I completely agree with you. A person can definitely love more than once. The love may become a different love over time, but the love was genuine at the time it was felt. Some forms of love are stronger than others. Some can be easily let go of and others are consuming. Each situation is different, but all involve love in one form or the other.

      There will hard times and good times. Love is proven in the hard times. It is each person’s responsibility to protect what they have and not allow the circumstances of life to get in the way.

      I really appreciate your comment. You have made lots of good points here.

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  13. I’m rather prone to falling in love quickly – sometimes it lasted, sometimes it didn’t. My first real boyfriend… Oh man. We had crazy love, Sid and Nancy kinda love, all emotion and fights and making up and being forced apart by our parents and much, much more. Nothing will ever come close to THAT roller coaster. We lasted 4 years, then I found him again after 2, and we went another 2. After the final breakup, I had a series of four-year relationships, or shorter. Finally I found someone who I haven’t felt trapped by, and we just celebrated our 9 year wedding anniversary. Did I love all the rest? Yep. But it faded, and always left me wondering if I actually know what love is.

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    • mewhoami says:

      I used to be that way too. But, I think for me it was not so much the love, as it was the idea of love. Your comment proves that sometimes what we think we want, is not always what we need. I’m glad that you found someone that you are comfortable and happy with.

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