Under A Cloud

cloud

Have you ever just been in a mood that you can’t seem to get over? For the past couple weeks, I’ve been in one of those moods. It started two Sundays ago. I could feel it coming upon me like a cloud. The day went terrible and every day since then, I’ve been battling with a major case of stress and tension.

Oddly enough, no one’s noticed. I may not have many skills in life,Β  but I am skilled at keeping my thoughts and feelings hidden from others. That can be both a good thing and a bad.

What’s frustrating, is that I don’t know exactly what’s causing my stress. I believe it’s a combination of things. I have several ideas in my mind of the possible contributing factors. I’m working on a few of them. Others I simply can’t do anything about, because my hands are tied.

I wonder though, sometimes, if the feeling of tension is like a drug. Do people enjoy feeling this way? Obviously being full of stress, is tiring and burdensome. So, what would be ‘enjoyable’ about that?

From my experience, after smiling all the time and faking the funk, it’s sometimes a relief to just ‘feel’. To feel emotions, pain and frustrations. After all, we are human and we’re supposed to feel things. Pretending like everything in life is perfect and happy all the time, can be just as tiring as occasionally dealing with stress.

I realize that if I wanted to, I could probably snap out of it. But, seeing as how I haven’t been able to, I’m either wrong about that or just not trying hard enough. Maybe a part of me is enjoying the feeling of ‘feeling’. It’s not something I allow myself to do very often.

Best of all, it doesn’t affect anyone but me. It’s my party of one. I get to feel and no one around me even notices.

Do ever have days like that? Where you’re under a cloud and you don’t know why? But, instead of walking out from under it, you just sit down in the midst of the rain?

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39 Responses to Under A Cloud

  1. lauramacky says:

    I have many days like this. Some are due to menopause lol and some are due to me having stressful situations in my life and some are due to the fact I’ve had depression and anxiety in my life pretty much the whole way through. And then there are some unexplainable ones. That’s where I just wait for the next day and the sun once again shines. πŸ™‚

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  2. Oh for sure I have moments like this. Like your’s, mine can go on for weeks.

    I think it’s very important to honour our feelings. Far too often we chastise ourselves and say, ‘Just be happy!’. While this is good, if done too often, I think the issue(s) that are causing the funk tend to build and build.

    I’ve been thinking about starting a daily journal…seperate from my blog. One for my eyes only. Where every night I can jot down how I felt that day.

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    • mewhoami says:

      Thank you for this. I feel a bit selfish from allowing myself to feel lately. It’s good to hear someone say that it’s okay to honor our feelings, because you’re right – if we keep them tucked within too long they will only continue to build. Then one day, without warning, they will erupt into a full blown volcano of emotions, uncontrollable. That’s never a good thing.

      I like your idea of a journal. I think I’d have to get one like little girls use, with the lock and the key.

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  3. I understand what you’re talking about, I too swing into a stressed out stretch of days that can’t just be snapped out of. I can’t always hide it, and having to explain what’s up to others just adds stress which prolongs the length of my rain cloud weather. For me it can be a cold comfort when I’m not super cheerful because I know that the feelings coming up will be positive. Since I’m already listless and down there’s nowhere to go but up and I don’t have to worry about a bad mood ruining my good mood. Trying to ignore the down times and snap myself out prematurely usually only makes things worse. It’s probably a bit different for everyone though.

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  4. A Good Wife says:

    Yeah, but for me it’s usually PMS. I get the cloud feeling and can’t pin point any particular external source of my inner cloudiness.

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  5. I’m feeling like this Right Now if you ask me. For me its because of emotional instability and some family drama. This kind of period is so confusing. I don’t know how the hell I get out of it, Maybe I get myself busy with stuff.
    And with me why nobody notices is because I don’t show it.I have this weakness that I can’t show emotions in front of people. Its so frustrating at times.
    Anyways I hope you get to feel better soon enough. Always here to talk.
    Much Love, Zee.

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    • mewhoami says:

      I’ve heard that the best way to overcome our problems, it to focus on others instead of ourselves. I’ve found that in most cases this does work,. However, there are other times when it’s much harder to get out of our little mental pit.

      I’m sorry that you’re going through rough times with family. Family issues can be some of the toughest to get through. Like you, I don’t show emotions in front of people. I don’t like being vulnerable.

      Thank you and I hope the same for you.

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  6. mmlatif2013 says:

    Wow. Just found the perfect narration for what I’ve been feeling lately. So relatable.

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  7. Yes. And when I have the luxury of being alone….I let myself enjoy it. Maybe ‘enjoy’ isn’t the right word. But this resonated with me. I feel comfortable with it if I don’t have to be around others who I don’t want to share that feeling with.

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  8. I went through two years of this. I knew the reasons. I tried to break it but I couldn’t. I didn’t try to stop feeling, though. The only thing I could do was let it wash through me until it ran its course. What kicked me out of it was a simple thing. A year ago now I rescued two kittens from the cold weather. They were abandoned near my storage building. They were about four months old. They are now a part of my family and they remind me that sometimes the simplest of things can change your outlook. That’s what it took for me. Yours will run its course. You just have to strap yourself down and ride it out.

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  9. Ryan Dueck says:

    You weren’t kidding, this is a lot like I am feeling today. It gets confusing trying to figure it out, so mostly I just let it happen and hope tomorrow is better. Or I drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

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  10. tric says:

    I think it is a common feeling for all of us. It is how we deal with it that makes us different. I fight against it with all my might. Exercise, writing and communication are what works, but there is nothing wrong with a day or two of self indulgence. I hope you can see your way out of it soon. It is not pleasant, even if it is well hidden.

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    • mewhoami says:

      It is and you’re right, it’s how we deal with that matters. It is our response to situations that will determine the outcome. The stress relieving benefits of exercise is one of the main reasons I do it so often. The day before yesterday I was going full force, beating up the invisible person in front of me. I fought until I was too tired to fight anymore. I felt dumb and a little childish beating the air, but I can’t deny that it felt good to do so. Writing is a huge help. I express so much more on here and through my other writing, than I ever would in real life. It makes a big difference. Today is a better day. The sun is shining!

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  11. Glynis Jolly says:

    Since finally finding the meds that work for me, anxiety, tension, stress and worry don’t stay with me very long. It could possibly be a lack of sun that has you feeling this was, that is if you live north the the equator. I do hope you find the source of this feeling. It would be terrible if you couldn’t get rid of it at all.

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  12. Jenni says:

    Yes – those days tend to be the hardest. You can’t pin down what is bothering you so you start feeling like a bomb primed to explode but you have no idea what will detonate it. Frustrating doesn’t even cover it and I’ve yet to figure out why it happens.

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  13. Cindi says:

    Sometimes just sitting down and experiencing the rain is the only way to get through!

    Great post and wise words, as always. I usually come away with lots to think about after reading your blog!

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    • mewhoami says:

      I agree, Cindi. Sometimes that’s all we can do and sometimes it’s exactly what we need.

      Thank you! I’m glad to know that my random thoughts are resonating with people.

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  14. April says:

    Oh. You know my story, but I have been where you are. Many eons ago πŸ˜‰
    Maybe some of the stress you’re feeling is the faking it until you make it?
    Sometimes, there are stresses that are obvious to us, others are fleeting thoughts that take practice to recognize them. Recognize those triggering thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them move through.
    The one mistake I made, I stayed in the rain too long. I didn’t move through my stresses in the proper way, and I wasn’t prepared for extreme life challenges. Major ones that alter your life–one right after another, and another, and another….. I fell apart because my umbrella wasn’t large enough. The rain became what I call a gully washer. I then needed a boat with a captain to help me maneuver through life. Because I held it all in and didn’t let myself feel what I really felt, and tried to control what I couldn’t recognize wasn’t within my control, it knocked the breath out of me.
    It’s okay to have things that challenge us, stress us. We all deal with these things in a different manner. Try screaming into your pillow πŸ™‚
    But don’t stay out in the rain too long.

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    • mewhoami says:

      I think some of it it certainly related to ‘faking it till I make it’. That gets tiring. There are some things that I know for sure are the cause, some I can change and others I can’t. It reminds me of the serenity prayer.

      You went through a lot during a very short time and therefore the pit you found yourself in is completely justifiable. I’ve never dealt with nearly as much as you did. I commend you for getting on the boat. Not everyone does.

      Today is a better day. I think that releasing my thoughts helped to take some weight off. Holding everything in is how I got to this point in the first place. That also gets tiring and lonely. But, the sun is out today and I’ll be making the most of it. Thank you, April. πŸ™‚

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  15. suzjones says:

    Rain, rain go away.
    I know those days and feelings so well.
    I’m going to agree with April here because I believe that when we put on a facade that only adds to what is dragging us down. When we keep it real and acknowledge what we are feeling, it helps in moving forward.
    Keep going my friend. Take those baby steps and the sun will come out again πŸ™‚

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