Have you ever just been in a mood that you can’t seem to get over? For the past couple weeks, I’ve been in one of those moods. It started two Sundays ago. I could feel it coming upon me like a cloud. The day went terrible and every day since then, I’ve been battling with a major case of stress and tension.
Oddly enough, no one’s noticed. I may not have many skills in life, but I am skilled at keeping my thoughts and feelings hidden from others. That can be both a good thing and a bad.
What’s frustrating, is that I don’t know exactly what’s causing my stress. I believe it’s a combination of things. I have several ideas in my mind of the possible contributing factors. I’m working on a few of them. Others I simply can’t do anything about, because my hands are tied.
I wonder though, sometimes, if the feeling of tension is like a drug. Do people enjoy feeling this way? Obviously being full of stress, is tiring and burdensome. So, what would be ‘enjoyable’ about that?
From my experience, after smiling all the time and faking the funk, it’s sometimes a relief to just ‘feel’. To feel emotions, pain and frustrations. After all, we are human and we’re supposed to feel things. Pretending like everything in life is perfect and happy all the time, can be just as tiring as occasionally dealing with stress.
I realize that if I wanted to, I could probably snap out of it. But, seeing as how I haven’t been able to, I’m either wrong about that or just not trying hard enough. Maybe a part of me is enjoying the feeling of ‘feeling’. It’s not something I allow myself to do very often.
Best of all, it doesn’t affect anyone but me. It’s my party of one. I get to feel and no one around me even notices.
Do ever have days like that? Where you’re under a cloud and you don’t know why? But, instead of walking out from under it, you just sit down in the midst of the rain?