Hurting Others Because They Love You

hug

Who would hurt someone simply because that person loves them? Most likely you would. Just as I would, as well as many others who read this. Unfortunately, that’s what most of us do. We hurt the people who love us. The same people who we’re supposed to love the most.

If we visit a relative who we rarely spend time with, we tend to treat them with utmost respect, love and kindness. We don’t take our time with them for granted. That is the way it should be. We realize that we may not see that person again for a while. We also know that tragedies can happen, and that could be the last time we see them. Because of that, we appreciate them and our time with them.

Why is it then, that we don’t appreciate the people who are right in front of us? The people we see everyday. Why do we take them for granted? Instead of appreciating them, we take our problems out on them.

We get irritated by minor things, and speak out of anger when our loved ones try to help. We treat them poorly because we’re in a bad mood, at no fault of theirs. Sometimes we have a bad day at work or get stuck in traffic on the way home. Then our frustration radiates from us the moment we walk through the door. Is it our family’s fault that we had a bad day? Did they hold up traffic? No. So why punish them for it? Sadly, we do this much more often than we should.

Most of us don’t do this intentionally. We don’t set out to be rude to the people we love. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we’re doing it. Regardless, it doesn’t make it right. So why do we do it?

We’re comfortable. We’re over familiar with them and no longer feel the need to make a good impression. Over time, we develop a false sense of liberty to do and say whatever we please.

Subconsciously we think that since we ‘have them’ now, we can act however we want to. After all, they’re not going anywhere. Wrong. Just because we ‘have’ someone, doesn’t mean that we can’t chase them away. Over time, our poor behavior can and will cause that person to change their opinion of us. Ultimately, I doubt that is what we want to happen. We wanted that person to like us before, so don’t we want them to like us now?

We should always endeavor to be good to those we love, no matter what the day brings us. They shouldn’t have to pay for our bad day, our problems or because we woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Love them. Appreciate them. Don’t taken them for granted. They may not be there tomorrow. Neither may you. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. Tell them you love them, and more importantly show them. Our actions do speak louder than our words.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to Hurting Others Because They Love You

  1. I see this happen all the time, I see myself do it occasionally and I see it done to me regularly. It’ s a bad habit to get into and it seems like it’s a hard one to break. Ultimately people need to spend more time focusing on the positive aspects of life and loved ones instead of the negative, even if it’s easier to be negative.

    Like

    • mewhoami says:

      It sure is a bad habit. The more we (or others) do it, the easier it becomes. They get to a point where it becomes almost natural to take their anger and frustrations out on others. It’s an excellent way to chase people away. Sometimes there’s no physical evidence of the person being chased away, but it’s visible in their heart. Our hearts leave people before our bodies do.

      Like

  2. One of life’s biggest challenges. The worst part is knowing you did it and then sleep with your own guilt. Change is si hard even with the best of intentions 😉

    Like

    • mewhoami says:

      I agree, because once you’ve done something, you’ve done it. You can’t take it back. It’s a hard lesson to learn and sometimes a lesson we have to learn over and over again.

      Like

  3. Very wonderful post and so true to the core. I am going to try and reblog this but my reblogging hasn’t worked lately so I have bookmarked it too.

    Like

  4. Reblogged this on Single Parents of Texas Unite – A site to educate, empower and unite single parents and commented:
    Good perspective on how to treat loved ones.

    Like

  5. Relysh13 says:

    Reblogged this on love, b and commented:
    Truth.

    Like

  6. jr cline says:

    You’re right. I’m going to try to do better. There aren’t a lot of people in my non-cyber life and I cherish them. I shouldn’t hurt them. That’s crazy.

    Like

  7. suzjones says:

    Wonderful.
    However, I think the reason we do this is because we are comfortable with the people we love and we know that they love us and feel safe in that love.
    It’s like children who are naughty/noisy/chatterboxes etc at home where they are in a safe environment but little angels when they are away from the home.
    I think that everyone needs an outlet for their anger and frustration and when you get home, you know the people there will still love you after you have vented whereas if you vent in the workplace, you may no longer have a job.
    Not sure if that makes any sense.
    I think on the other side of the coin, we share the joy and happiness with those we love as well. It doesn’t excuse extremely rude and obnoxious behaviour though but I think most of us unintentionally hurt those we love.

    Like

    • mewhoami says:

      I agree that it’s because we are comfortable with them. Home is our safe place and the people who live there are our confidants. However, some people take it a little too far at times and don’t realize that they can chase their loved ones away if they’re not careful. A 20 year marriage doesn’t mean that it can’t still fall apart. We can vent, but we should always show respect and love for them. I do agree also, that most people do this unintentionally.

      Like

  8. Guilty. And for all of the reasons that we act badly towards one another, it doesn’t compare to the horrible feeling after wards. I guess it comes down to control and what’s more important. The fight or whatever the bad actions are about, or the person.

    Like

  9. Glynis Jolly says:

    There’s a saying that’s been around for a while. I’ve heard my mother say it a few times. “Treat guests like family and treat family like guests.” Yes, I have treated those I love in ways that are just terrible. And like most, I feel so awful and ashamed of myself afterward. So much so that I’ve become an expert on apologies. I’ve gotten better over the years at treating those I love with more compassion and kindness but I know that I can always improve.

    Like

    • mewhoami says:

      I love that saying. It is so true. That’s exactly how we should treat others. Sometimes it takes us learning the hard way, to see just how unjustified and rotten our actions can be. Like you, I have given my fair share (plus some) of apologies. As you said, no matter how much we’ve learned, we can still always improve.

      Like

  10. Morguie says:

    I wasn’t going to comment but here I am anyway: recently, my ‘other’ half surprised me with an off-the-chart out of left field of verbal rudeness…do you know…I cried for 3 days, at least? We have been together nearly 17 years…never ever, ever has such a rudeness been demonstrated! I just couldn’t handle it. As I sit here and type this, tears well up as I remember this completely unbelievable “thing” that happened…and though it was rough few days for both of us getting over that comment he made to me (which by the way was done in front of someone we were conversing with…and the comment was absolutely undeniably a crappy guy thing to say that absolutely was the farthest thing from the truth, in fact absolutely OPPOSITE in relevance to what was being discussed)…I wonder how on earth he ever arrived at such a moment of complete thought and sense derailment to allow that humiliating moment to happen…I seriously, seriously wished I’d stop breathing for about 3 days it made me feel that bad…but I realize, too, AND THIS IS WHAT SCARES THE POOP OUT OF ME…there ARE 22 years between us in age…and I know that in the time since, he has demonstrated a sincere contrition, very sincere…I worry that his mind is slipping a teensy bit. So, this was an extraordinary, albeit awfully personally painful event. It was unfortunate — it is done. He is my man, who I love beyond all doubt. The high likelihood that I will one day have to face life without him sobers me…terrifies me. I choose forgiveness, even if it isn’t for me to understand the mechanics of the hurt I still feel. Yikes…am I naked? I’m shivering now! Gotta quick cover back up now! :/

    Like

    • mewhoami says:

      I appreciate your transparency and heartfelt comment. What I liked the most about your comment was that even though you were so hurt by what he did, you came to understand that there might have been an underlying cause for it. I think that’s where people often go wrong. We are hurt and run with that awful feeling, but never take the time to assess what caused it to happen in the first place. What you realized, is a very important realization – one day he will no longer be there. In my opinion, that should be our motivating factor in how well we treat our loved ones. Living with regrets and ‘what ifs’ is a difficult way to live. Let’s make the most of our time with them and forget about the little things, sometimes even the painful ones. As Chatter Master said, it’s all about knowing what’s more important. Thank you for this comment, and for your honest and open example.

      Like

  11. Beautiful post and reinforces the behavior I’ve been working on – thank you!

    Like

Please share your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s