On my final day, I want to be able to say, “I have lived a wonderful life.” While reading a post recently, this statement stuck out to me. However, I didn’t think of my own life when I read it. Instead, I instantly thought of the lives of others.
My mother was my first thought. Ever since I was a child, all I have ever wanted was for her to be happy. While growing up, I witnessed her life and the many struggles she had to endure. There were times when I’m certain that she wanted to give up, but she never did. She always held on. At the end of every storm she was there, still standing. She’s an amazing woman.
My mother and I are the best of friends. Don’t misunderstand, she is my mom and I respect her. Plus, she’d probably still whoop me even now at 33 years old. But, we’re friends. We always have been. To see a smile on her face means the world to me. To see her hurting, tears me to pieces.
Because of that, I’ve always endeavored to be there when she needs me. To be silly when she needs to laugh and to listen when she needs to talk. Over the years, I had convinced myself that somehow I could always make her happy and take away anything that would cause her pain. Even though I’m her child, I felt as though I was also her protector. Not that she needed me to be, but that’s just how I felt.
However with the passing of my step-father, I learned that I can’t control everything. There are certain hurts that, no matter what I do, I can’t take them away. It’s impossible. That to me was a hard lesson to learn. I despised the fact that I couldn’t take my mother’s pain away from her. It crushed me and I was angry. So angry. There was nothing I could do. I was helpless.
It’s been almost a year and it’s been a slow one. All the months intertwined into a spring that never ended. Now suddenly, it’s the new year and we’re living it. For the first time in months, we’re alive. We’re breathing.
There will still be hard times and the mourning will never fully end, but today is finally here. Even though it may not be every day, my mother smiles now. She even laughs. No longer is she just walking. She’s living.
I don’t know what’s in store for her or where the journey will lead. All I know for certain, is that on her final day I want to hear her say, “I have lived a wonderful life.”
That’s all I want from everyone I love. Regardless of what happens along the way or where the road leads, as long as they can say that at the end, that’s all that truly matters. To see your loved ones happy is the greatest gift of all.