Do looks matter in a relationship? Yes and no. Obviously, you should be attracted to your partner. With that said, what one person finds to be physically attractive can vary widely from that of another. Everyone’s preferences are different. Whatever that attraction may be for you, if it’s not there, then the door is opened to a variety of problems in the future. Therefore, looks do matter.
However, they should not be the primary focus. A person can be beautiful on the outside, but wicked on the inside. Therefore, what’s on the inside should matter most. Plus one thing is for certain, looks will fade. They do for everyone, but the inside will remain the same.
Although this makes sense to me, I’m learning that this opinion isn’t shared among everyone.
Watching a married couple interact lately, I’ve begun to question if looks do indeed make a difference. Does a person’s beautiful appearance give them liberty to behave however they want to? For example, the woman in this marriage treats her husband like trash. Not occasionally, but constantly and he takes it. From one day to the next, he bows down to her scolding, nagging, yelling and outright mean behavior.
He never speaks up for himself. Instead, he remains silent and obeys every one of her commands. So as a result, she gets away with treating him however she wants to. Why does he put up with it? The only answer I can come up with, is that she’s beautiful.
Maybe it’s because I’m a woman, but I do not understand that one bit. I don’t care how beautiful or handsome you are, if you treat me like dirt then I don’t want anything to do with you.
So why is that people allow this to happen? Does beauty automatically cancel out a person’s mean behavior? Wouldn’t you prefer someone who may not be as attractive, but at least treats you with respect and love?
No matter what the situation may be, no one deserves to be treated like trash. There is no justifiable reason why a person should allow someone else to treat them in such a terrible manner. Maybe it’s just me, but I’d much rather have a partner who treats me well and looks average, than one who is a model and treats me poorly.
So this leads me to my question for the day…
Do people get away with bad behavior and poor treatment of others, just because they’re attractive?
Or, maybe you have allowed someone to treat you poorly because of their looks. If so, why?
Me - Who am I? 
Great blog 🙂 if you have the time could you possibly check my blog out. Also if there’s anything you would like me to write about just ask Mo xx
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Thanks! I’ll check it out.
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Or because they are a celebrity (and pretty or beautiful)?
I don’t understand it myself really.
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Yes, that too. Their beauty isn’t even real half the time. Makeup and Photoshop are amazing tools. Beauty can be a great thing, but only when it’s used for good.
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I think some men need the “trophy wife” they can’t believe they could get such a woman, and then allow her to treat them poorly. I have seen it many times- what amazes me is these men don’t seem to notice how badly they are being treated, they just keep taking it. I agree that “beauty is only skin deep”- looks fade, my husband has lost his hair over the past 22 years, I have more wrinkles around the eyes- but we love what is inside and always have. That’s what matters.
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It’s too bad that the “trophy wife” so often comes with conditions. Why can’t more women use their beauty for good instead of using it to take advantage of others? I agree with your statement about how some people don’t seem to realize how they’re being treated. This husband for instance, still manages to proclaim to the world how wonderful his wife is. I wonder, “Does he know who his wife is?” Evidently he doesn’t ‘see’ her, but everyone else sees her clearly. Love must be blind. People should love and like their partner for who they are, not for what they showcase on the outside, just as you and your husband do.
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I think sometimes beauty allows a person to “get away” with things that someone not as beautiful cannot. It is unfortunate, but I think reality. Perhaps it is because someone who looks beautiful doesn’t feel they have to prove anything- their beauty gives them an automatic “pass”, an entitlement. That carries over into life, and their relationships. I do have to say that fortunately I know many women who are both beautiful inside and out, and are good to their husbands.
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I agree, but they shouldn’t. It should make no difference whatsoever, but sadly it does sometimes. I too know some very attractive women who are the same way on the inside as they are on the outside. That’s the way it should be.
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I love the thought provoking here. Beauty “shouldn’t” permit bad behavior. It would depend on the individual’s I suppose. This is a little different spin on your point. But I know of 2 different people in my life time who in conversation told me they stayed with their spouse because they did not feel anyone else would have them . Meaning the person talking to me felt their own personal looks were so bad no one else would have them. So they stayed with the person who treated them poorly.
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That’s sad that people feel that way. That they’re ‘stuck’ in a relationship because that’s all they feel they can get. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great to make a marriage last, but not for that reason. Stay because you love, not because you can’t do better elsewhere. That happens in many relationships I’m sure.
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My heart kind of cracked when each of these men (men!) told me this. It did feel very sad. It felt painful.
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I suggest that what you were witnessing was an abused spouse—the husband. It sounds as if you were describing a narcissistic woman. The beauty aspect was perhaps superficial, if you can forgive the pun.
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I have to agree with you there. Although it may only be verbal abuse, it’s still abuse all the same. Women typically stay in those types of relationship out of fear, but what would make a man stay? He can’t be afraid of her. She’s a tiny woman. Maybe afraid of the backlash?
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I would suggest that it is a common fear, and that it is primarily of an emotional nature. Narcissists feed on insecurity.
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That’s irritating that they do, but you’re right.
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A person puts up with behavior such as this due to lack of self worth, low self esteem issues, or perhaps they don’t see what the outside world sees. I’m not sure it is due to the belief that the abused thinks the abuser is beautiful, the abused just can’t find a way out. I don’t know. I’m an inside beauty kind of person. One with society’s definition of beauty is truly ugly if they have no kindness, love, or compassion inside. My opinion.
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I agree. I think a lot of it is lack of self worth. What gets me though, is the people that feel they have nothing to offer are usually the ones who have the most to offer. A person can be gorgeous, but their looks are hidden from sight if they don’t have the right characteristics and good qualities to go with it.
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Perfectly said, April. I have noticed though that relationships in which both people are ‘beautiful’ have a tendency to not last, where as the relationship where one is ‘beautiful’ or both are in some need of ‘beauty’, the relationship has a better chance of succeeding. I do think people who are ‘beautiful’ physically do rely too heavily on their looks to get them what they want in life.
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Two beautiful people equals relationship failure. I would bet that if that’s the case, it’s likely because they end up leaving one another for someone else when the times get hard. They know they can get someone, so why stick around? That’s a whole other post right there.
I think people use their looks for their advantage also. Personally, I’ve gotten away with things that I probably shouldn’t have, but the difference is, is that was never my intention. Some people run with their looks and use it for everything. Everyone should be treated equally, regardless of what they look like.
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I’ve always felt like I was born wired in an interesting way concerning this topic. I was never able to see a person as attractive once I discover they were ugly on the inside. It’s like the ugly seeped out and covered what had once been outwardly attractive. By the same token, someone becomes more attractive to me (no matter what they really look like) once I find out that are a good person on the inside. I used to be scared that I would end up with an ugly man. (Thank goodness I didn’t.)
On a similar note (and not the case for me personally), I’ve noticed that people seem to become more attractive the more money they have. Seems like wealth affords its owner a pass on kindness and beauty. Oh the world we live in!
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I’m the same way. I think a person is only as beautiful as their personality. There have been people that upon first glance are nothing to look at. Then, they begin to speak, laugh and open up and they become attractive. Others speak and ruin it all.
As far as money goes, that’s true too. Sad, but true. Money can you get a date, but can it get you love?
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I think there are two questions;
‘do looks matter in a relationship’
and ‘should looks matter in a relationship’
to the former; they do matter because any time I see a couple in which one is much more beautiful than the other; the beautiful one always gets away with anything……
‘should they matter’ now that is an entirely different issue altogether 😉
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You’re a guy (I’m sure you knew that).. So, why do men let beauty override the treatment they are given? “You treat me terrible, but you’re beautiful. so it’s okay.” Is it worth the trade off?
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well I’ve never been in that type of relationship; only observed it from afar so I don’t know why guy’s would tolerate it…….I dated a couple girl’s who put up with my s**t cuz even though I thought they were beautiful, they thought they were less ‘beautiful’ than me…..life makes no sense.
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Well if you ever figure out why, through any of your coffee house conversations, feel free to come back and comment on your findings. I’m in the same boat with the girls you mentioned. In all truth, I suppose I’m attractive. But, I don’t see myself as such. This seems to be bothersome to men, because they don’t understand how some women can’t see their own beauty. But, couldn’t that be a blessing in disguise? At least we’re not out ‘flaunting our stuff” for all to see.
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Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. That’s so true! Now there are two types of beauties: one that is just visible to the eyes and the other that is invisible but can be felt by the heart. It depends on you which one you prefer more!
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I couldn’t agree more. The beauty that can be felt by the heart, is the only one that will stand the test of time.
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