Who’s the Boss?

woman angry 2

Last night, I overheard a verbal exchange between a husband and his wife. The husband was standing there watching one of their 3 children. All of a sudden the wife yelled at him, “I want to go home now! Let’s go!” Evidently he listened, because a moment later they were leaving. In this relationship, it is obvious that the wife is the boss.

Is he your child or your spouse? Neither person in a relationship should be the ‘boss’ over the other. Granted there may be times when a couple cannot reach an agreement and in those instances, someone may have to be the final decision maker. But, that does not make that person the boss. Neither party should ever be treated as though they are a child.

What she did, leads me to two questions.

1)  When is it okay to be disrespectful to your spouse in this manner?

Never. It is never okay. You can disagree with him or her and have a calm discussion to work out a matter, but to disrespect them is completely uncalled for. This is especially true when it is done in public, for all to see and hear. No one likes to be humiliated and belittled. Not only does it hurt them, it also makes them feel unimportant.

When combined, all of these feelings can cause them to lose their self confidence. Why would a person ever want to give off the impression that they believe their spouse is inadequate? That is what disrespect does.

2) Is it okay to yell at someone you love?

No. First of all, it makes the person who’s yelling look childish. Secondly, it causes them to lose the respect of those who are witness to it. Most importantly, yelling will rarely solve a problem. The best way to solve any disagreement is by having a calm and rational discussion.

I used to be a ‘yeller’ back when I was younger, but thankfully I’ve grown out of that. But, it was through those experiences that I learned first hand, that yelling is nothing but a waste of time. Plus, it’s exhausting.

Even in the most heated of discussions, yelling should not be an option. There are many other routes we can choose instead. We can walk away until we cool off or we can take a moment to breathe until we have calmed down. No matter what we choose, yelling should not be one of our choices. It’s disrespectful, immature and accomplishes nothing.

Young love is tough.

Going back to the couple mentioned earlier in this post, they are two young people trying to make a relationship work. Relationships for adults can be a challenge, but that’s nothing in comparison to a young couple, especially one with children. Two ‘kids’ with children of their own, trying to build a relationship and make it work. That’s tough.

They are still trying to figure themselves out, so to figure out someone else in the process is extremely difficult. I’ve been in their shoes and I know how hard it can be. Because of that, I commend anyone who got married before the age of 20 and was able to make it last.

I know those couples exist, because I know one of them personally. For 52 years the couple has been side by side and they’re still going strong. They always show respect to one another and never have I seen them yell at each other, and I doubt they do it behind closed doors. Had they treated each other in any other way, I’m almost certain they wouldn’t have made it all these years. They are an excellent example of how a couple should behave with one another.

It all goes back to the old saying, “Treat others as you would like to be treated.”

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10 Responses to Who’s the Boss?

  1. suzjones says:

    What a wonderful post. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was a ‘yeller back’ with my ex husband (who was a narcissistic emotional abuser). I walked away from that marriage with so many scars.
    It truly is a blessing to have been with the GG for the past 17 years in which I can count on one hand the number of ‘differences of opinion’ we have had. We don’t yell or scream. We discuss, walk away and cool down and come back to discuss again later. It’s about respect.
    So much better for your mental health.

    Like

    • mewhoami says:

      Thank you, Sue. People like your ex spouse can make life so miserable – if we let them. Good for you for walking away.

      It is great that you have a found a good catch now. Someone who you can effectively communicate with. It’s a learning process, just like anything else and you’re right that it is much better for mental health. Having a healthy relationship makes a big difference.

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  2. Good post, very needed in today’s society. Thanks.

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  3. April says:

    I agree. A marriage should be full of mutual respect. I also believe the same to be true in parenting. Belittling a child in public, yelling at them….it has the same effect, it destroys their self-esteem. Even when they act up and make us mad, it is best to deal with them with a cool head. (my opinion, and it worked for me)

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    • mewhoami says:

      I agree 100%. There is a proper way to correct our children that does not involve putting them down.That is a terrible thing to do to kids. We’re supposed to pick them, not push them down.

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      • April says:

        After posting this,I thought maybe I went off topic a bit.I think it was the part about treating a spouse like a child. Anyway, made me think of some of the moms I’ve heard at stores yelling at their kids. That was the image I had for some reason. Anyway, your post is spot on!

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  4. Oh a great lesson for all of us!!!

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  5. Pingback: Fellow Blogger – Me – Who am I? | It Goes On

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