Spying Eyes

diary

Like many girls, I had a diary as a child. That is where my deepest thoughts were kept. There were entries about various people, what they had done and how I felt about them. Some were friends and others family. It is also where I wrote my secrets.

People can be snoopy, especially siblings. Because of that, I knew that at any moment my diary could be found and read by those living in my home. The same people who I had written about on the pages inside. Therefore, I decided to post the following warning on the inside cover of my diary:

“To anyone who may read this diary – First of all, no one should be reading this. If you are, I apologize for whatever it may say that may upset you. This entire diary is full of my most personal feelings and things I have done that I want no one to know about. Many of which I regret. So if anyone is reading this, again I apologize and I want you to keep in mind that this is all from the past.” ~ written 1995

Even though this blog is on the world wide web and anyone can see it, at any given moment, the warning above still applies.

When I began this blog, it was for the purpose of helping me along my path toward self improvement. It was a place where I could learn myself, by being able to be myself. Out in the real world we are always trying to live up to the expectations of others. Out there, I try my best to be everything that I’m supposed to be. I put on the smile that everyone wants to see and the laughter people expect to hear.

In reality my life is pretty good, especially compared to how it could be. I have a great deal of things to be thankful for. However, I certainly don’t have it all put together and I doubt that I ever will. Learning is a life long journey. I needed a place where I could just be me. The inner me remains just that. On the inside and that gets tiring. She wants to live too.

On here, I don’t have to put on a smile if I don’t feel like it. I also have the liberty to share my thoughts and opinions openly. That’s something that is very difficult to do in the real world, because as much as people say they don’t judge you, they do. (That is why I have chosen to remain anonymous on this blog.) To my readers, if you judge me, you judge me. It bothers me to a degree, but it doesn’t have nearly the same impact as it does from those who I know personally.

To any snoopers who may drop by, this is my outlet. This is the inner me. The ‘me’ that I spend so much of my time keeping quiet, keeping hidden. She needs to breathe. She may be down one day, up the next. She may be opinionated and sometimes just strange. One thing is for certain, she’s going to speak what’s on her mind.

So as I said in my warning above, if you decide to read what is written here, “I apologize for whatever it may say that may upset you.” With that, be thankful that I have a place to breathe. This blog has been a tremendous help to me.

It’s also not all about selfish gain, because what I learn here is constantly being shared with those in my real life. Whether it be compassion, understanding, different perspectives or changing the way I respond to situations, other people benefit from this as well. It’s not all about me. It’s also about you, the reader – whoever you are.

As for my fellow bloggers – thank you. You have all had such a great impact on my life. You have taught me many things. You have changed my way of thinking. Through your posts, I have discovered my flaws and weaknesses. You have made me cry and you have made me laugh. I appreciate you. All of you.

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16 Responses to Spying Eyes

  1. April says:

    Anonymity sounds like it would have been a blessing for me. Because I write in a way that lies myself open right down to the raw wound, sometimes the consequences keep that wound open and oozing. Writing anonymously, I could have evaded some of my true personality, but then I would feel as if I were writing as a character which sees things in another way than mine. Does that make sense? I had to be me to write about thoughts I wonder about, societal beliefs that I may or may not agree with….and on and on.

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    • mewhoami says:

      I understand your point about the potential to write as a character rather than your true self. For me thought, it is the complete opposite.

      I am the true me on this blog. Someone else summed my thoughts up perfectly “Truth be told, though, if you have read more than a few of my posts, you probably know more about who I really am than those in the physical world.”

      People in my physical world know me more on the surface than they do within. But, your way works for you and that’s what blogging is all about. Finding what works for us, individually.

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      • April says:

        I think what I meant to say was that I would have difficulty remaining anonymous in the blog world because I reveal too much. Anybody reading what I write, who knew me, would know exactly who I was. I guess that even though I have a mask I use to hide my depression, and simply avoid anxiety creating situations, I’m pretty open. The only time I “shock” people is that I’m usually quiet, but once you get to know me, quiet doesn’t really describe me. But then, if I hadn’t started my blog off sharing with all my friends and family, I wouldn’t be having this problem. 🙂

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        • mewhoami says:

          I get that. It’s the same with me. I share details that leave very little doubt as to who I am. It wouldn’t shock me to be found, but then again there’s thousands of blogs out there, so they would have to be looking for me specifically.

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  2. suzjones says:

    I see both yours and April’s POV. My thought is, that your blog is your blog. If you wish to write about overthrowing the world or about how to cook a turkey – it is what it is.
    Everyone has an opinion on everything. Whether their opinion is right, wrong or in alignment with yours makes not a jot of difference to them because it is THEIR opinion.
    So to both of you – continue to write as you have been because it is how you are travelling within yourself that is the most important thing. 🙂
    Your cyber friend
    Sue (and yes that is my real name lol)

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    • mewhoami says:

      Thank you Sue. My name really isn’t mewhoami, but I bet you knew that. haha 🙂 That would be a strange name on birth certificate, wouldn’t it?

      Overthrowing the world is Navigator’s job. 🙂 My goal is not nearly as exciting as his.

      I agree. April writes in a way that works for her and I truly enjoy every post she writes. The same goes for you. Our differences are what makes these blogs so interesting.

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  3. tric says:

    For a long time I was fairly anonymous but in the past few months I’ve more friends I actually know reading my blog as opposed to cyber friends. I’m getting used to it, but it does have an effect on what I can write.

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    • mewhoami says:

      That’s the dilemma. Do we open it and make ourselves more vulnerable and possibly restrict what we write about? Or, do we stay anonymous? For now, I’m choosing the latter. That way I can write what I please. If it’s found (which I’m sure it has been by now at least by some), then so be it. At that point, there’s nothing I can do. I’m not going to stop blogging, or at least I don’t plan to.

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  4. I treasure my anonymity and I love your warning!

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  5. I have friends /family from ‘outside the cyber fence’ read my blog as well as those that my interactions and friendship is contained within the cyberfence. I must admit at times I did hold back a little on opinion knowing that I like keeping the peace . Now however I write my opinions, it causes an occasional ‘tut tut’ at functions as my opinions become known but in someways having written them here softens the blow for me to bring the opinions out for real later.

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  6. I love your warning!
    I’m torn about the writing anonymously or as self. I think if I wrote anonymously I would write more….freely. But I don’t think I would connect as well. I’ve not had too many problems with what I write. I do sometimes worry about writing about others, if they would be uncomfortable. If I’ve ever written about anyone I know who would be “recognized” by me writing, I have gotten permission from them first.

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    • mewhoami says:

      Thank you. Whether or not to be anonymous is most definitely a toss up. They each have pros and cons. It’s good that you get permission from people before you write about them. I feel that’s very important.

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  7. Pingback: Fellow Blogger – Me – Who am I? | It Goes On

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