Wounds

wounds

I’ve learned that once I get scratched and a scab forms, I am only three days away from being completely healed. There will be no sign of injury, except maybe with a magnifying glass.

Three days and the wound is healed! Wouldn’t it be fabulous if all of our wounds could heal that quickly? Why do emotional wounds continue on and on, and reopen when you least expect it? Like a scab that’s been picked at, the wound becomes fresh once again.

Lying in bed around 1 am this morning, one of my wounds reopened unexpectedly. There was no reason for it. It just happened and does so more often than I’d like. It’s not hard to do, since it wasn’t completely closed to begin with. Only the edges have begun to heal.

Memories are like a leaking faucet. You can twist the knob as hard as you want, but little drops of water still come out. Rarely does it leak clean and refreshing water. Instead, it’s usually the polluted water that sneaks out. Once it hits you, it is very difficult to shake.

The more I try to pull away from it, the more I get sucked in. Everything is replayed in my mind. My memories become reality. I’m there. Conversations are clearly heard and expressions seen. The visions are so detailed, that it feels as though I could touch everything in sight. If only I could. Then, I would take that moment and hold onto it. I would put my emotions away and ‘be there’ more than I was. If only.

Time heals wounds, no matter how deep they are. I just wish that time would also prevent them from reopening. At the very least, it would be nice if the faucet would start leaking good water, instead of the bad.

Maybe I should hire a plumber.

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12 Responses to Wounds

  1. culturemonk says:

    i used to replay bad conversations and arguments in my head over-and-over……then one day i was just like ‘F&&& it’ i need to stop doing this….and i did…… I’m glad it was easy for me to stop doing it because for a while there i felt like i was gonna give myself an ulcer from all the ‘replaying’ that i was doing…

    enjoyed the post 🙂

    Like

    • mewhoami says:

      I used to do the same with arguments. They would haunt me for days. But, finally I decided that I didn’t want to waste time on them anymore. What’s done is done. Move on. That’s how I feel now.

      This post was in relation to a death of someone and the days that led up to it. I haven’t gained the courage to write about it in detail yet, so this is my way of releasing little by little.

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  2. There are moments (rare to be sure) when I almost wish for a bad memory.
    Sometimes it helps me to remember that rehashing old problems, situations, and conversations hurts no one but myself.
    Easier said than done, and I’m sure my problems are small compared to most, but at least sometimes it helps.
    Nice post, well written, and thought provoking.
    Thank you.

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    • mewhoami says:

      You’re right. The only one it hurts is us. This was in relation to a death, but your words still stand true. The person has passed and is no longer hurting. The only ones hurting now are those who are left behind.

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  3. I’ve been through similar circumstances and can relate fully. You are right about the plumber but there’s no need to hire one as the plumber is you. Time does not only heal wounds but also over time the wounds stop reopening from gaping holes to scratches to memories that can be dealt with. Hang in there.

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  4. In the past few months is the first time I realized I had the “power” or control to let myself stop doing this. There was an incident that normally I would have beaten to death in my thoughts and discussions trying to dissect every moment of it and make sense of it. I let it go realizing I had no desire to waste so much of my life on such things.

    But I read your comments. And processing a death is a little different. I understand the need to release and deal with this. I’m sorry for your loss.

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    • mewhoami says:

      Dissect every moment…that’s what it feels like at times. That’s exactly what I don’t want to do. I need to let those memories go and replace them with the good ones. There’s just something about the quiet of the night though, that and to resurface the bad. Thank you.

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  5. suzjones says:

    (((hugs))) my friend.

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  6. Very poetic and beautifully written–hopefully you find some peace and healing with each new day, even the painful ones. 😦

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