Women are supposed to be emotional. That’s how we’re wired. For some reason though, I never have been, at least not outwardly. Of course if there is a tragedy involved, emotions are hard to avoid.
I hide mine, often times even from myself. For example, crying. Most women cry a lot and seemingly over everything. I am not one of them. Honestly, crying gets on my nerves – when I do it. Of course, I don’t mind when others do. In fact, if they come to me during those times, it makes me feel needed and trusted. That, I greatly appreciate. I just can’t stand it when I do it.
Much to my dismay, since yesterday everything is making me tear up. It’s ridiculous. Yesterday, I almost cried over getting new carpet. Then, I teared up at something cute that I saw a child do. So, as I went to bed last night I was trying to figure out what my problem was, hoping that by morning I would be over it.
I wasn’t. This morning after my son left for school, I read a post from someone about memories. The details in the post brought up a bunch of memories that I’ve been trying (and frequently failing) to keep tucked away. Painful memories. So, I spent a good 30 minutes bawling like a baby.
Oddly enough, it almost felt good and I’m thankful for the post that started it this morning. Burying your feelings doesn’t make them go away. You have to face them at some point whether you want to or not, and sometimes over and over again. Even though it’s painful, it’s necessary for your mental well-being.
I try very hard to be tough in front of people (including myself) and act like nothing bothers me. I don’t like feeling emotions. They bug me. But the truth is, that I’m not nearly as strong as I pretend to be. There’s still a little girl hiding inside who has plenty of feelings and experiences hurt.
Maybe letting all of that out this morning was exactly what I needed in order to have a zen Christmas.
This is not a ‘pity me’ post. It’s merely to say, that you don’t have to be strong. Having weaknesses is what makes us human. It’s okay to have emotions. That just means that we’re alive.