Do you ever feel like a little girl, or boy, in big shoes? I do. I’m making my way through life with all the responsibilities of an adult, but often times I wonder when it was that I grew up. How did I get here, to this point in my life?
The other day, I had to go through old photographs. In those, I ran across my senior year school ID, which includes a self portrait. The good news is that I look practically the same. What’s odd, is that I still feel like that girl in the photograph. I’m not 33. I’m 17. It’s just that I have to act like an adult now.
I truly thought that by this age, I would have everything figured out. At the very least, I knew for sure that I would have myself figured out. Well, I don’t. The one thing I’ve learned over the years, is that we are forever growing and learning. As circumstances occur and the years pass by, we change. In many ways I’m the same girl I used to be, but in others I am much different.
My patience for example, has grown tremendously. There are a lot of things that I put up with now that I never would have before, not even for a moment. In the past, I was also very hasty with my actions and decisions, which led to a lot of unnecessary situations and consequences.
As for my mouth, there was no taming it. I didn’t even try. If a thought came to my mind, it was spoken. Simple as that. So obviously I talked back too, and often. My mother could testify to that.
Then, there was my temper. I would let things fester for a very short time and then explode, on anyone within earshot. Afterward I would storm off, angry with myself for behaving in such a way. In fact, I spent a good majority of my teenage years angry and disappointed with myself and my choices.
Thankfully, those bad traits are long gone. Life has a way of making people see themselves for who they are. With all that said, I wasn’t a bad kid. Just a confused kid trying to grow up too fast.
Eventually I did grow up, at least in body. Mentally, I’m very much a little girl still. I’m gentle, passive, scared, insecure, goofy and gullible. Often times, I feel as though I’m still in high school with the same feelings, emotions and mental battles.
Even so, every morning I look in the mirror and see a 33 year old woman looking back at me. From all appearance, she has everything put together. She’s mature, confident and her mind is calm. But, I know the truth. She’s just a little girl in big shoes.