There is almost nothing more beautiful in life than falling in love. You meet someone and instantly you are captivated by them. The phone rings and with excitement you run to answer it. You say hello and then are lost for words because of your overwhelming emotions. The talks on the phone last for hours and nothing is said. Just knowing that they are there on the other end of the line fills you with joy.
When it’s time to see them, a jittery feeling of anticipation flows through your body. Once you meet again, whether it be the second or the tenth time, your heart skips a beat. They reach out to hold your hand as you take a deep breath that seems to last for minutes. You feel like you could sit there for hours in their company. Sleep is merely a fleeting thought, as you don’t want to miss even a single moment of time with them.
Falling in love is an exhilarating experience and filled with excitement. Everything about that person is ideal. The way they laugh is adorable. The way they talk is mesmerizing. Even the way they eat is cute in your eyes. They can do no wrong.
Then, it all changes. You learn them. They learn you. All of a sudden their perfection flies out the window and so does yours, never to be seen again. That doesn’t mean that the love is gone. It’s just not as blind as it once was. Reality has set in. Their laugh becomes annoying. Their speech becomes degrading. The way they eat becomes disgusting.
What’s interesting is that none of these things bother us in the beginning. The only reason they do later, is because we let issues in the relationship fester until bitterness creeps in. The result is dislike for the other person. Love is important in a relationship, but even more so is liking one another. When we begin to dislike someone, the first thing we do is become critical of them. We see their faults, all of them. The longer this is allowed to go on, the worse the consequences may be.
So, how do you fix it? Just like a disease, you must locate the source of the problem before it can be corrected. Once the source is found, it must be shared with your significant other. We’ve all heard it before, “communication is the key to a happy marriage”. That is a fact. That is the only way that you and your spouse can work out issues that come between you.
When a relationship has real problems, communication is the only way to revive it. Ignoring a problem does not make it go away. In fact, it makes it worse. Without proper communication the relationship is likely doomed. So, why is it then that people don’t feel it necessary to communicate?
As I read earlier today, people have a bad habit of assuming that what is not important to them, cannot possibly be that important to their spouse. If your spouse cares enough to express a concern to you, then it is obviously important to them. It may not be a big deal in your world, but it is in theirs. Even when you don’t understand, it is imperative that you take the time to hear them out. Your lack of communication is not showing them love. In fact, it is showing them quite the opposite.
When people shut themselves up and refuse to communicate, they make their spouse feel completely unneeded and unloved. Eventually that can destroy a relationship. A person can only take so much before they break. For a marriage to survive, it requires the work of both parties. Likewise, when marriages fail it is because of both people. Never does the fault lie solely on one person or the other. It takes two to make or break a marriage.
Can a damaged relationship be restored? Yes, of course it can. All it takes is the willingness of both people to lay down their pride and communicate with each other, as adults. If you truly love the other person, is talking with them really that much of a burden? It shouldn’t be. Twenty minutes could save your marriage.
It isn’t always pride that stops the communication. Fear of hurting the one you love can stop the words from flowing forth. Fear of damaging the relationship further can silence you. Relationships are fragile and can unintentionally be ruined beyond repair.
Glynis, thank you for your comment. That’s an excellent point. It’s not always pride. Saying the wrong thing, even the right thing, at the wrong moment can worsen a couple’s situation. I think that many times people do ruin relationships without meaning to. They just don’t realize what they are doing until it’s too late.
I think many people want to hold onto that new “butterfly-in-the-stomach” feeling. It does fade, but if, as you say, the couple is communicating, a new–deeper love is formed. I have found that when I am over-critical of my husband, it is because there is something about myself I am unhappy with. In other words, I take it out on him.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that butterfly feeling would last through the entire course of a marriage? Perhaps for some it does. I find that sometimes I take my personal issues out on my husband as well. But truth be told, most of the issues I find in relationships is based upon lack of communication, or shall I say lack of interest in communicating.
Well said. I think many people know many of these truths but fail to act on them. That’s the part that will make the difference…taking action on what is being communicated. Thanks for sharing.
I agree. Taking action is the only way to correct a problem. It might be easier to bury our head in the sand, but that doesn’t make the problems go away. In fact, it usually makes them worse. I hope that through others, people will learn these truths. The blog I linked to in this post was about communication, from a man’s point of view and with that I learned a little of why men react the way they do. Life, love and relationships are all a learning experience and there is so much that we can learn from others if we are willing to listen. Thank you so much for your comment.
You’re so welcome.