There are so many times that I sit down to write the thoughts that are rushing through my mind. I feel an urgency to release them. A few sentences are laid out and then quickly deleted, never to be written again. Why is this? Most of the topics would probably be interesting to readers. However, they would also be very honest and revealing. That is where my mind takes over and my fingers stop typing.
Earlier today, I was compelled to visit a blogger’s page because he proved that he wasn’t afraid to open up and share his weaknesses, struggles and fears. The simple fact that he was sincere with his words drew me in, to follow a blog that I may not normally have followed. He has a quality about him that often times I wish I had.
For me, it is difficult to write or even verbally discuss deep topics of the heart. To open up completely to anyone is terrifying to me, and I know that I am not alone in that. Most people are that way. There is a part of us that we keep hidden. It is our secret place. The place where we store our deepest emotions, thoughts, opinions, fears and memories. To open that up to a stranger, or even a loved one, takes a lot of courage that most people don’t have.
Sometimes I wish I had that courage. There are so many things that I would like to say. There are thoughts that have been stored inside me for years and never shared with a single soul. To share them would bring a great sense of release, but also the frightening realization that people would now “know” me. I don’t know if I want to be fully known. That’s a scary thought.
How about you? Do you reveal yourself completely?
What would people think if they knew the inner you? Would they still like you? Would it change their opinion of you? Do you care?
Me - Who am I? 
If you are hiding your inner you that must mean you care what they think, right? Otherwise, why hide? I think a lot of us have that fear.
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Agreed. I do care what people think. The question is, should I care as much as I do? I wonder sometimes if we spend too much time hiding ourselves.
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I probably over express–give out too much information. However, when I started blogging, I would have my daughter kind of proof read. I kept asking her what do you think? Does it sound stupid? Her response was always “who cares”. It took a while but I finally realized that even though I love feedback, I’m writing for myself. Obviously, I am not an expert, I do it for myself only. With that in mind, that is why I screen my comments. I was once called a moron (spelled maroon–so guess who the moron was) I have no clue where the comment came from, but I deleted it and went on.
I have exposed some pretty personal struggles. I’m not looking for pity, just getting it off my mind. I also don’t care if people pass me by because I am sometimes silly, sometimes ridiculous, and sometimes sad and frustrated. But you can bet what I type is exactly what is on my mind. However, I do have posts that never get published because they are a bit too personal, or something?
Do what feels right for you.
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Your daughter has a good point. Who cares? I think it boils down to what we want our blog to represent and if we are looking for followers or just looking to write. I enjoy the honesty you share in your blog. It’s posts like yours that help others see that they are not alone in their struggles and also gives them ideas on how to overcome them.
In my posts, I am very honest with everything I say. But, it’s the unsaid that gets to me. As you mentioned – those things that are a bit too personal. Those are the areas I wish I would give myself more liberty to discuss. But to do that, a huge wall must be broken down and I don’t see that happening anytime soon. I’m not brave enough.
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I really prefer honesty when I write. That’s what I choose. Even when it’s embarrassing. Even when it hurts. Even when it scares me.
Here’s the trade-off: I don’t really want people I know reading my stuff.
I pray almost every day that my ex-wife, my mother, my father, my grandmother, and many of my friends from growing up never find out about this.
Once in a while, I get a notification “so-and-so you know from high school”@gmail.com is now following your blog.
And then I lose my breath for a minute. “Now, they’ll really know who I am.”
But, you know what? I want to live in the light. It makes me more accountable. It forces me to make better choices. It helps me think about the choices I make each day and to what extent they’re contributing to or detracting from my self-improvement efforts. Or my desire to be a good father to my beautiful five-year-old son.
It’s scary to be honest. You may even alienate a person or two.
But, you’ll write the best stuff you’ve ever produced. And you’ll feel great about it.
Regardless, I’ll be cheering for you no matter what.
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Thank you, my new blogging buddy! I truly appreciate your honesty and the motivation you have for writing as you do. Living in the light – what a thought. It does hold a person much more accountable and for many of my posts, they have done just that. Many times I find that they ‘haunt’ me when situations arise, reminding me of what I said and therefore how I should act or respond. It can be very helpful.
I completely understand your fear of people you know finding you. To be discovered by specific people could have interesting consequences. There are 3 people who know I have this blog. Otherwise, I have remained anonymous or at least I think so. It is the world wide web after all.
Thank you so much for reading, commenting and for inspiring this post.
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Thank you for giving me a chance, even though I’m juvenile.
I’m sorry for the bad words.
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haha…You have me rolling over here. I see you read my comment. You have proved to be nothing near juvenile. Quite the opposite in fact. I stand corrected. 🙂
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It took me a very long time to come out of anonymity and start using my real name, but when I did, it was very freeing. Having said that, there are many things I don’t talk about, particularly when they concern the people in my life. It’s not necessarily that I don’t want to disappoint anyone, or reveal too much of myself. It’s more about their privacy. And so when I do want to discuss the topics I’m feeling that concern people I know and love, I take a step back from it, and find a way to relate it to what others are going through. Because when you think about it, there’s always someone else out there who shares your problems, right?
I hope I’m being clear on my meaning. Please let me know if I’m not.
I wouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself. Start small and work your way up. Talk about the things that are important to you without implicating yourself, and you’ll be sure to find other people who will sympathize and help you to come out of your shell.
🙂
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You’ve got that right. There’s always someone with a similar story or situation. I’m the same as you when it comes to using people in my posts. I don’t like to refer to anyone by name, out of respect for them.
There have been a few times when I’ve ventured out of my shell a bit more than normal, but those posts are written in an ‘abstract’ way. No one can hold against you something they can’t prove. 🙂
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Exactly! 🙂
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